Someone To Love Me
by The Only Pancake
Summary: Jasper x Bella fic! Jasper Whitlock is a 15 year old victim of child abuse. This is the story of how he deals with it, and finds possible love along the way. Will the bonds he shares with his friends help him survive, and heal? Read to find out! AH - AU
1. Starting Note

**Disclaimer: None of the Characters are mine; I just like to toss 'em into spirals of angst for my and your amusements. XD Story is AU + AH.**

**Warning****: This story is rated T for violence. (And **_**very**_** strong language.) I will never get detailed, but it **_**will**_** contain severe scenes of post-abuse towards a teen-aged minor. If that is going to bother you at all, **_**do not read this story**_**. There, I warned you! No flaming me now :)**

* * *

Characters

Carlisle Cullen: 33 years old.

Emmett Cullen: 17 years old.

Edward Cullen: 14 years old.

Esme Brandon: 36 years old.

Alice Brandon: 14 years old.

Isabella Swan: 14 years old.

Rosalie Hale: 17 years old.

Jasper Whitlock: 15 years old.


	2. I Hate School

"Jasper!" I flinched when I heard my father's voice bellow furiously through the house.

I sat perfectly still on my bed as he stomped up the stairs screeching, "You stupid, useless, waste of my time!"

I could feel me heart starting to race in my chest as the door to my room was shouldered open. Father's bloodshot eyes didn't have any trouble finding me, pinning me under his glower.

His words were sinister and slurred a little when he snarled, "What did you do with it?"

I didn't dare look him in the eye when I quietly lied, "I don't know what you mean, dad."

He stomped across the room, each heavy footfall jolting my body with fear. He curled his fingers into my shirt, yanked my viciously off of the bed, and slammed my back against the wall.

I flinched at the pungent smell of alcohol as he leaned in closer and roared, "God damn it, you stupid little prick, if you don't fucking tell me where you put it I'll beat you senseless!"

I panicked and grabbed his wrists, shouting, "No! I'm sorry, I have it. I'll give it to you!"

He threw me onto the ground and I gasped as I landed hard, rattling my bones. I scrambled over to my desk and yanked my backpack open, pulling out a large bag of expensive white powder.

He snatched it from me and his leg flashed forward, kicking me in my stomach. I gagged and cowered until he left the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

When I was sure he was all the way down the stairs I growled, "Fucking bastard."

I coughed a few times as I pulled myself onto my feet. Lying back on my bed I tried to do some homework, an essay for English. I got two of five paragraphs done with the screaming started downstairs.

Mother shrieked, "You have to stop this, Richard! We don't have enough money for you to keep using this shit."

Dad snarled, "Shut up woman, I make the money, I can choose what I spend it on!"

She demanded, "Well _I_ birthed our child, and you do what you like with him!"

I hated it when they dragged me into this. I hated it when they argued all the time. And they did, _all the time_. The screaming didn't stop until mom passed out at 4:30am, and dad started getting ready for work.

* * *

"Holy hells, Jasper, were you partying all night or something? You look _tired_." I was fighting to stay awake in English, and the class hasn't even started yet. This was my third day without any sleep at all. My friend Edward was sitting on my desktop talking to me.

I stifled a yawn and lied, "Yeah, I was."

He frowned at me, "How come you never invite me to come, too? Man, between you and Emmett; make me feel like the biggest looser in the school."

I shrugged, "Sorry man, you can come to the next one, I promise!"

He went to sit in his own desk when our teacher entered the room.

She ordered briskly, "Everyone pass up your essays!"

I frowned fractionally ad I collected the papers from me row, giving the to her when she passed, leaving my own out. I should have known that in a class of just 16 she was going to notice mine missing.

"Mr. Whitlock." Her voice had its usual sourness in it. "Did you loose your paper, _again_?"

What as I, six?

I informed her, "No, I have it."

She leaned forward on her desk and asked me, "And why don't I have it?"

I smiled at her and tried to sound sincere, "I didn't think it was fair to waste your valuable time with my 'incoherent scribble' while you could be reading as pleasing as one of Edward's essay's."

My direct quoting of some of her favorite things to say to me made the class laugh, and her eyes narrowed. She was nowhere even close to amused.

"Jasper, you can give me what you do have, or you can leave my class."

Shit! Every third referral is a suspension, and dad hates it when I get suspended! I already have two…

I rolled my eyes and commented, "Whatever you say."

I handed the paper to Edward, sitting beside me, and he set it on the desk. Bitterly, I ignored everyone for the rest of the class.

I tried really hard to be good in the rest of my day, and I succeeded in Gym and Biology. When it was time to go to lunch, I was drawn by raucous laughter down the hall.

A few boys, three freshman, cornered the new girl against the lockers. I recognized her; it was Deputy Swan's daughter. One boy kicked her book across the hall and another grabbed her backpack, shuffling through it. She stood stiff, with her eyes closed and her face was pale.

I stomped up behind the ringleader kid and grabbed the back of his neck hard.

My voice was deathly cold when I asked, "Do we have a problem here, freshies?"

The kid thought he was being cool as he pulled away from me and growled, "Yeah, you just touched me!"

He spun around on his heel, having to look up a foot and a half to see me face. I grinned at him and his eyes bulged, Bella's backpack falling out of his hand.

I lifted my eyebrow and scoffed, "Is that so? Well, I have a problem with you punks messing with a girl!"

I shot my hand forward, my hard palm shoving him back and he stumbled a foot. That infuriated him, and he swung his fist at me, a fist that I nimbly dodged. Pulling my arm back I curled my hand and sent it flying towards him, cracking him right in the nose. He landed on his ass, gasping as blood began to drip onto his shirt.

I glared at the smaller boys and barked, "Go and get her that book!"

One of them turned white as a ghost and ran down the hall to obey. The other stumbled over to his bleeding friend and helped him to his feet.

The second kid retuned and handed the Bella girl the text, "S-sorry."

She took it and silently looked away.

I growled, "Get out of here, rats."

All three darted down the hallway. I picked up her backpack, re-zipping it as I handed it to her.

"Here you go. Your Bella Swan, right?"

She took the bag and asked, "How do you know my name?"

I frowned and hesitantly told her, "My dad is well acquainted with the police force I suppose you can say. Besides, Rose told me you were starting school soon."

She visibly relaxed at the mention of someone we both knew.

She asked, "What's your name?"

I sniffed, "Jasper."

She chuckled, "Isn't that a cat name?"

I glared at her and shrugged, "So is Bella! I didn't pick it."

She took my mock offence seriously and apologized, "Oh I didn't mean to offend you!"

I grinned, "Don't sweat it, you couldn't possibly do that." She blushed and shoved her book into her backpack before slinging it over her shoulder.

I offered, "Walk you to lunch? I'll help you find your friends." She lowered her eyes- implying she hasn't made any yet.

I carefully amended, "Or you can come meet mine. Ed's a freshie like you, and Alice is too. She might be in school today, I don't know though."

She's been sick for a while, but who knows with that girl! Bella nodded and I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her along and chattering conversationally all the way to the table.

Em and Rose were with us today, which was highly unusual. They were both _very_ popular seniors.

Rosalie is a foster child who's kind of been adopted by Deputy Swan, and she's the prettiest girl this side of Detroit.

Em is Edward's older brother, the schools star football jock. They almost always sit with their friends at lunch.

As I said, unusual.

That is, until I got closer and could see their faces. Emmett's face was contorted with rage and his fists were clenched. Edward had a black eye and dried blood on his cheek.

I glared at him and demanded, "What the fuck happened?"

Edward insisted, "It was my fault!"

Emmett snorted loudly, "Don't buy that, Jazz. Some asshole rammed into him in the hallway, and then had the nerve to start a fight with him over it!"

I sighed, "We can get him back later. I got this one kid earlier, they were fucking with her."

I jerked my head towards Bella, who was silently standing beside me.

Rosalie asked, "Are you okay, Bella?" Bella smiled and nodded.

Emmett narrowed his eyes, suddenly calmer, "So this is the sister, huh Rose?"

The elder girl shrugged, "I suppose so."

A small female fluidly slithered over to us, sitting on Edward's lap and pressed an ice pack against his eye. He whimpered, but didn't move it away.

I grinned, "That's Alice, Bella."

Alice waved and Bella smiled shyly.

I sat down with her, and then a teacher interrupted us. "Jasper Whitlock, how can I ever get any work done when I am always coming after you?" Not a teacher, the dean of students.

I smiled over my shoulder and asked innocently, "Is it my fault I am so irresistible, Clara?"

She shook her head and smiled, holding a pick sheet of paper out.

I muttered, "Son of a bitch." A suspension paper, _fuck_!

She scolded me, "I told you last month to leave the younger students alone! Bloodying their noses hardly falls into that category."

I grinned and took the paper from her. "Sorry, but you know I just have so much trouble stopping myself when they get annoying."

She sighed and walked away from the table.

I scowled and slammed the paper onto the table, "Damn it!" Everyone else jumped.

Rosalie asked, "What's the matter, Jazz? You get suspended all the time, no big deal, right?"

I frowned, "Well, mom's going to be working all week."

My mother was the only one who had a chance at saving me from _him_. He would never hit her, and if she got in between us I was safe from him coming after me for at least that night.

Bella asked curiously, "That's a bad thing?"

I shared a fleeting glance with Alice before I sighed, "Nah, me and my dad just don't get along the best is all. I'll go hang at the park, I guess."

I left the school after lunch and loitered in the park until it was three, and I decided it was safe enough to go home.

I stood outside the door, my hands trembling. It was locked, I forgot my key. I had no choice but to knock, and let him confront me.

My stomach felt so tight I was glad I hadn't eaten lunch; I know I would have thrown up.

I felt my heart leaping into my throat as I tried to control my breathing.

Lifting my quivering arm I gave three small raps on the door. I heard a few heavy footsteps and then the door was yanked open.

My father glared down and snarled, "I've been waiting for you, boy."


	3. Scorching X's

I flinched as my dad grabbed my arm hard enough to bruise and yanked me into the house, slamming the door shut.

I stumbled forward and grabbed onto the couch so I didn't fall. I wanted to run and hide as soon as the room's atmosphere caught up with me.

The smell of vodka and beer was strong enough to make my nose and throat burn. My eyes stung with the smoke that his crack smoking had left swirling in the air.

Dad raged, his furious screams hurting my ears and surely heard by the neighbors.

"What did I tell you last time, Jasper? Are you fucking retarded? Didn't I tell you to keep your miserable ass out of trouble? I don't want the cops dragging you off to court again!"

I clutched the couch and timidly looked up at me father, terrified into silence. Standing at 7 feet 2 inches, and burlier then a _bear_, he made me feel like a small child in his massive shadow.

I weakly defended myself, "I didn't start it."

That was true, too!

My comment must have been the wrong one, because he pulled his belt off and folded it in half.

He snarled, "Wrong answer."

I closed me eyes and bit my tongue to hold back the screams as the thick leather started to bite into my flesh.

* * *

I was in the bathroom with the door locked, having run up here as soon as he let me leave. I leaned my bruised forehead against the wall, burying my nose into the crook of my elbow as I willed my tears to stop.

My body felt like it was on fire!

My back was scorched with raw X patterned stripes, and my shoulders were bruised.

There were a few swollen cuts on my chest that bled a little, and one single stripe of flames stretched across my stomach and left side was exceptionally painful.

"Get down here!"

I felt my heart stop and my eyes flinch as I almost leapt right out of my skin. I didn't dare take the time to put my torn shirt back on, it would waste time. I just bolted down the stairs and cautiously entered the living room.

Dad tossed some money over his shoulder and it landed at my feet.

He hissed, "To the store, pick up that blue stuff for mom; and some more of that Rodnik."

I picked up the roll of 20's, the throb on my body warning me to obey. I squeezed the bills in my fist and frowned. That fucking bastard. It's the vodka's fault he's like this in the first place.

I boldly whispered, "No."

His head snapped to the side and he snarled, "What was that?"

His eyes took me in and he snorted, "You been crying? God, I never knew I had a daughter!"

I flinched and quickly wiped my eyes.

Dad hissed, "You go to that damn store or you watch me give you something to really cry about!"

I bit my lip, and angrily chucked the money at him, hitting him in the face.

I shouted, "Fuck you, asswipe!"

He sprung off the couch and I freaked out, racing towards the front door.

I slammed it closed in time to hear a glass bottle shattering against it.

* * *

I thanked God it was dusk as I raced shirtless down the street, 27 whole blocks until I jumped a fence and arrived at the Cullen house.

I heaved for breath and pounded on the door, "Edward! Let me inside!"

A second later Emmett opened the door, though my friend was not far behind.

The seventeen year olds eyes stretched wide, "Oh my god! Jasper, _what the hell_?"

I slipped into their living room, my scenes on high alert. Had he come after me, or was I actually safe?

A fresh wave of tears started rolling from my eyes and I admitted, "My d-dad, he- he…"

The embarrassment and shame swelled inside of me and I broke into heavy sobs.

I couldn't help it!

He's never done this to me before, not like_ this_.

I have never felt threatened enough to actually run away, never experienced what it was like for the air to make my battered flesh scream in pain.

Emmett commanded, "Edward, go and get dad!"

He ran off and Emmett took my elbow gently, leading me over to the couch. I sank into it and buried my face in my hands, crying so hard I didn't even notice the arrival of Dr. Cullen until he sat beside me.

He asked me gently, "How badly does it all hurt, Jasper?"

I chocked out, "Really bad!"

He set his hand on my knee and I flinched, drawing quickly away from him.

He soothed, "It's okay Jasper, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm a doctor; I can help you if you let me. You just have to trust me."

I wiped my eyes and glanced at Edward. He was the only male I trusted in the whole world, my best friend since we were six and five.

My soul brother!

I've only met his dad like three times, how can I just trust _him_?

Edward promised, "He only wants to help."

Swallowing hard I nodded a little bit to the doctor.

The man disappeared, Emmett trailing after him.

Edward sat next to me, his green eyes brimming with sorrow, "Oh, Jazz, why didn't you tell me? I would have done something, gotten some help! Em can talk to Rose and she can talk to Mr. Swan, and we can go from there."

I jumped off the couch, "No! I have to be there, I've never tied to fight back before because I don't want to make it worse. I don't want him to hurt mom. If he does, I have to be there to stop him."

Edward frowned and whispered, "He hurts her, too?"

I shook my head, "No, but he _could_."

Edward lowered his head and after a few seconds asked, "How… How often does he do this to you?"

I shuffled my feet and admitted, "A lot more then you'd think."

He shook his head, "God, I'm such a horrible friend! I can't believe I never noticed!"

I sat beside him again and chided, "Don't call yourself that. It's only been like, four years. How long have we known each other, ten? I just hide it well!"

He forced a smile, "You _do_ hide it well."

Dr. Cullen came back into the room, with a large pink bottle of lotion or something. "Would you like me or Edward to do it?"

I didn't even know what _it_ was!

I asked Edward, "Do you know how?"

He blushed a little, "Uh, yeah. We can go to my room, come on!"

He snatched the bottle and darted up the stairs. I slowly climbed after him.

When I entered, he ordered, "Flat on your stomach. It's going to hurt like a bitch at first, but it'll stop any itching and dull the burn after a while."

I flattened myself onto his bed and asked, "So, what is this stuff?"

He answered, "It's called Caladryl."

I asked conversationally, "What's it for?"

After a few seconds of silence I glanced at him and found him red faced.

He answered, "Well it's for poison ivy rashes, skin irritations, and minor cuts actually. But it's good to use… Uh, It makes it less painful to sit when your butt is bruised after a spanking."

I grinned, and even thought I tried not to, I started hollering with laughter. '

Edward demanded, "Shut up Jasper, it's not funny!"

His face turned tomato red and he, quieter, added, "Besides, I haven't gotten it in like, two years! This bottle is what's left over from Emmett."

That made me laugh even harder, and he joined in this time. That was a very hard mental image to picture.

I glanced over my shoulder and asked innocently, "So I guess you know how it feels from your loads of experience, huh?"

He chortled and squirted the lotion onto his hand, smearing it across my wounded back. Because I was distracting him, he accidentally pressed too hard and his fingers hurt the raw skin.

I closed my eyes and jerked myself away, fighting the tears threatening to fall.

"Holy mother _fuck!_ That was cruel, Edward!"

He panicked, "Maybe I should get dad to do it, he does it at work all the time. He's gentle."

After a second he whimpered, "I didn't mean to hurt you."

I hissed, "Well, you did!"

My back screamed in protest and I growled, "What the hell is this shit, canned lava?"

He frowned, "I warned you! Give it a minuet."

Soon the cooling feeling he promised did, in fact come.

I rolled onto my stomach in submission, "Okay, go on."

He tried his best to be careful, but hit a tender spot by my shoulder. I gasped, flailing in pain.

His hand shot back like I had stabbed it and he wailed, "Sorry!"

I jumped off of the bed and snarled, "Oh my god, Edward, _be careful!_"

I let out a high-pitched whine and a few tears rolled down my cheeks. The raw cross marks on my body all started to throb again.

Edward fretted, "I'm trying to be, Jazz, the skin's just so tender! It's probably split open."

I fanned my shoulder and accused him. "Do you torture Emmett like this, too?"

The door swung open and Dr. Cullen peeked around the corner.

He asked, "It sounds like you need some help in here?"

I whimpered, "That fucking hurts!"

Edward glared at me and I felt heat rage in my cheeks. I forgot, Dr. Cullen doesn't allow swearing in his house.

I mumbled, "Sorry."

He pretended not to notice and took the bottle from Edward, patting the bed.

"I'll finish it so you can get some sleep, come on now."

I _was_ really tired. I managed to bite back all my complaints as Dr. Cullen carefully finished smearing the ointment across my swollen back.

Edward gave me a pair of shorts to change into and I crashed on the couch at 11pm, Tuesday.


	4. Nemesis

I woke up 10:30am, Thursday.

I guess you _do_ really sleep a lot when you've been awake for almost five days in a row.

Edward and Emmett were in the living room, stayed home from school. It took me a second to register that I was lying on my back, and then the searing burn hit me.

I gasped in shock and rolled violently, falling onto the floor.

Emmett laughed, "Do you always wake yourself up like that, Jazz?" I ignored him when I heard my name come from the kitchen. It was Dr. Cullen.

"No, I think he's still asleep. - He needs to rest; you can speak with him later. - _I'm_ a doctor; I know what's best for him! - No, Mr. Whitlock, I really don't think that's possible."

I sat back on the couch, startled when the Doctor's voice suddenly became fierce and loud, "The only way that your stepping a foot on my property is with a police escort, and I am sure they would _love_ an explanation for his condition. _I said later_!"

The phone was slammed brutally onto the receiver and I jumped.

I watched silently at the doctor came into the room, face lighting up with surprise.

"Oh, your awake! How are you feeling?"

I grumbled, "Sore as he-" I caught myself and amended, "_Very_ sore."

Emmett shook his head sadly, "Man, you look seriously fucked up."

Carlisle snapped his head to the side and sharply exclaimed, "Emmett Daniel Cullen!"

Emmett glanced warily at his father, "Hey sorry, but it's true. He's like, purple!"

I glanced self-consciously over my shoulder; I was indeed a strange shade of purple.

I sighed and asked, "Was that my dad? Is he coming here?"

I swear I _smelt_ like fear at the very thought. He was bound to be furious. _Shit!_ I am dog bait, a steak hanging in a stick in front of six ravenous Rottweilers.

Dr. Cullen shook his head. "No, he won't be coming anytime soon. But, I do have to let him talk to you sometime today or it can be considered kidnapping."

I leaned forward uncomfortable. I don't want to talk to him! What will he say to me? Will he threatened to go after mom.

I groaned, "I have to go back."

Edward growled defensively, "No you don't! Stay here, at least until Monday. Can he, dad?"

I smiled gratefully at him but insisted, "I have to, Edward. I'll be fine! I have been for years, I just panicked yesterday and I didn't know where else to go. Alice's is too far away."

Dr. Cullen smiled at me, "Well, you can come here any time you have to, okay?"

I nodded and put on a shirt of Emmett's, which was huge and displayed the wounds on my shoulders and behind my neck. The phone rang again and Emmett answered the cordless before his father could.

He pleasantly announced, "Cullen's here!"

His smile faded and he snarled, "He doesn't want to talk to _you_."

I asked nervously, "Is that him?"

He nodded, I felt my heart racing but I firmly demanded, "Well, give it to me already!

Emmett glowered but obediently handed me the phone.

I pressed it to my ear, "Hello?"

My little store of confidence drained when I heard him roar on the other end. I held the device almost three inches away from my head and could still hear him very clearly.

"Jasper, you little bitch, I can't believe you! Running away from the house in the middle of the fucking night, nobody has a fucking clue where you are. Make me put up with your mothers nagging _all day_!"

I whispered quietly, "I'm sorry."

Edward practically growled at me in fury. I know I shouldn't be apologizing, but I was too afraid not to.

Dad snorted on the other end, "Yeah, whatever! You need to get your sorry ass home before I come over there and drag you home. Your social worker is coming over, and you had better be here to talk to her!"

The line went dead and I handed the phone back to Emmett.

I buried my face in my hands, "Oh GOD!"

Alerted, Dr. Cullen asked me, "What's the matter?"

I shook my head, "I have to go home now, Fran is going to be there soon!"

I absolutely hate Fran, and she hates me too.

You see, when I was thirteen I got into a really violent fight with this black kid from the school. He had threatened to stab Edward I think, who the fuck remembers.

Anyway, I beat him shitless and he ended up in the hospital.

He made some huge drama over it being a race-hate attack and I ended up in jail for almost 14 hours while mom sorted everything out. They let me go when I convinced them it was self-defense, but ever since I have a social worker that visits once or twice a month.

She thinks' I'm devil spawn.

I guess I am in a way, but not the way _she_ thinks.

Dr. Cullen frowned, "I'll take you home then, I'm going that way for work."

He left and headed towards his car.

Suddenly terrified with what awaited me, I asked Edward desperately, "Can you call me tonight?"

He looked somber and he nodded quickly.

I swallowed back a knot of terror and whispered, "If I don't answer, call the cops."

Was I serious, or just being dramatic?

After considering it, I think I was serious.

* * *

Dr. Cullen stood in front of me like a shield when he knocked firmly on my front door. I had my hands shoved into my pockets and my head lowered to stare at my feet.

A few seconds later the door swung open and I heard dad growl, "What do you want?"

Dr. Cullen's stony voice had an icy bite to it; "I just wanted to make sure that Jasper made it to the door alright."

My dad snorted, "Why, is he four?"

I bit my lip when Dr. Cullen whispered menacingly, "I think you know why."

After a few seconds of silence I braved lifting my eyes. They stood inches away from one another, each glaring fiercely at the other. It looked like they were seconds away from hostility becoming too much.

Dad's eyes snapped to me and he ordered, "Well, hurry up and get inside, you useless child."

I was tense and I held my breath as I slowly walked past him, waiting for him to strike me.

However, the attack never came.

I forced my throbbing heart to stop thudding madly in my chest and quickly darted up the stairs. I closed the door of my bedroom and changed into a long-sleeve shirt that concealed my welts.

I lay on my right side on the bed before, soon, the door opened and a woman of 35 entered the room. She wore a fancy woman-suit and carried a large briefcase.

My nemesis has arrived.

She sat right across from me, on my desk chair.

She asked, "How are you, Jasper?"

A bitter wave of hateful thoughts surged forward.

I was throbbing, tender, and even the shirt touching me hurt two days after the beating hurt. AIR hurts. I was almost too petrified to enter my own house and I think my dad is plotting ways to kill me so I ran away.

I forced a smile and lightly answered, "Oh, I'm just wonderful, how about you?"

She ignored my question to her and asked, "Did you get that bruise from your fight?"

For one cold second I felt fear chocking me. What bruise, where!? Then I remembered the one above my eye and nodded.

"I forgot about that! Sure did."

She frowned and shook her head, sighing, "What's the excuse for this time, Jasper? You almost broke a 13 year olds nose." I propped my head up on my hand, creating a triangle with my arm and neck.

I honestly answered, "They were fucking with a girl, what kind of a gentleman would I be if I allowed that, hmm?"

She asked automatically, "What girl?"

I scoffed, "Like I know the entire female population?"

Her frown deepened, "Mr. Whitlock, you can't just go around hitting people. There is always a non-violent path to handle bullies."

Holy hell, I wanted this woman out of my business!

I nodded agreeably, "You are absolutely correct, Fran. Next time I feel the urge to do bad, I'll pull out of Popsicle instead and try to end world hunger with it. That's completely non-violent, right?"

She glared testily at me and warned, "No more fighting, Jasper!"

I shrugged and she rolled her eyes, sauntering out of the room.

An hour or two later, my hyper-alert ears heard that so-dreaded sound of heavy boots striking the stairs. I sat in complete silence as I watched the brass doorknob turning.


	5. My Sister, Alice

I felt my heart start to beat again when I saw how excited dad's face was, rather then angry.

He announced, "I have some people coming over while mom is out. How long 'till you go back to school?"

It was what, Wednesday?

I weakly announced, "Five days."

For a moment anger blazed in his eyes and I flinched, anxiety and fear stabbing at my nerves.

After a second though he sighed, "Well stay out of my face, and don't you dare leave this house again unless I know where you're going to be!"

I nodded, and he sounded sinister, "Do not come downstairs tonight, got it?"

Though I was interested as to why, I meekly answered, "Got it."

He threw a bag of chips onto my bed, "Dinner, now become invisible." He slammed my door closed and I heard him go downstairs.

Not long later I heard a few people coming into the house.

I held the phone in one hand, waiting for my call, and very lowly cracked my door open.

I heard dad, "So you just stick it in, right?"

A deep voice answered, "Yeah, push it in real slow, it builds the excitement."

A third voice hissed, "Wait, man! Tie this around your arm first so you don't bleed everything out."

I quickly, silently, shut my door. Was he doing _heroin_?

Oh my god!

My mind started to scream in horror, _Shit, fuck, damn it! _Now this on top of the crack and drinking?

The phone in my hand rang suddenly, and I clicked it on in terror and pressed it to my ear.

Shit, does that count as disrupting? Was dad coming up here to 'shut me up'?

I, thankfully, didn't hear any footsteps.

Edward shakily joked, "Hey, you alive over there?"

I whimpered, "Maybe not for long."

There was a terrified silence shared between the two of us before he squeaked, "Are you hurt again?"

I swallowed hard and felt my heart trying to rip out of my chest. I whispered, "No, he hasn't touched me. Will you do something for me?"

He immediately answered, "Anything."

Alice is a straight A student, and her mother allows her to skip school whenever she wants as long as she makes up the homework.

Being a very insightful and pestering thing, after she recognized the signs of abuse she forced me to tell her what was happening at home.

She's known for almost two years now. She said that whenever I need to, I can spend some time at her house, school or not.

I breathed, "Call Alice and tell her I needs her tomorrow at dawn. She'll understand."

I hung up the phone and lay under my covers; listening to dad's distant laughs downstairs and praying to god my door didn't open.

* * *

I actually got a little sleep once the guys left the house, and then my alarm clock woke me up at 3:30am.

I washed myself with a soapy washcloth, knowing better then to let shower water pound mercilessly onto my battered body.

At 4:30 I ate a pop tart and waited patiently for dad to get up in a half an hour.

He stumbled down the stairs, half asleep, and glared at me. "What're you staring at?"

I swallowed my fear and asked quietly, "May I go to Alice's house until Monday?"

He grunted, "Whatever, gets you out of my hair!"

He stomped away and I went upstairs, shoving some clothes into a plastic bag. I heard a car pull up to the house and quietly hum as Alice waited for me.

I jogged over to the car and slipped inside. Alice immediately turned around and headed towards her house.

She asked me, "Is it still bad?"

I shrugged; I was too scared to tell her yes, even thought it always _was_ a yes.

She ordered me gently, "Let me see."

I sighed and pulled my shirt off gingerly, turning sideways.

After a tense silence she breathed, "It's not _terrible_… Okay, it kind of is. But at least they're not purple, and the welts are gone. The bruises should be gone by Thursday."

Alice knows a lot about bruises, so I trusted her.

See, her dad lived with her until she was eight.

His name is Charles, and he used to beat the fuck out of Esme, and even her some times.

She took care of her mom since as young as a kindergartener, and she's helped me for two years.

Knows a thing or two, as I said.

I put my shirt back on and leaned against the car seat carefully. "Thanks for letting me come over."

She smiled brightly, "It's fun having you over! We can do sibling stuff."

Both of us being only children, we liked to do brother sister stuff with one another.

I smiled shyly at her, "Got any cookie dough?"

* * *

"_MOM_!" I flinched as Alice screamed across the other house.

Esme's singsong voice asked, "What is it, dear?"

Alice skipped over to the stairs, "Do you want peanut butter or chocolate chip?"

I mumbled, "We're going to make them both either way, does it matter?"

Alice glared at me and Esme distractedly answered, "Whichever you like, Alice."

I broke another egg into our bowl; because of _course_ we had to cook from scratch, "I already had the peanut butter measured, lets do that one."

She smiled, "Okay! I'll mix that, you find the vanilla extract."

I rummaged through the cupboard and asked, "So, how was that dancing thing last Sunday, I never got to ask."

Alice was a ridiculously good dancer. Like, she's gotten offers to go to three Performing Arts high schools. And, she already has a full scholarship for Julliard once college comes around.

She has a real talent, and passion.

Alice rattled, "Oh it was great! I almost lost to Emma, remember hearing about her?"

Did I ever! The only girl who poses a threat to Alice. The one my friend rants angrily about once a month.

I nodded and she chirped, "Well, I beat her! I got another ribbon, too."

I tossed her the vial of vanilla extract and asked, "So when's dinner?"

She glanced at the clock, it was almost five.

She yelled, "Mom! When's dinner? Jazz is hungry."

I rolled my eyes, _I_ could have done _that_.

I heard Esme laugh upstairs and she answered, "I'll be down in a couple of minuets."

I sat on the counter top and asked, "Are you sure I'm not disrupting anything by being here?" She almost always went on a date with Edward on Saturday's.

She sighed in exasperation, "Are you going to keep asking me that? I already told you, if Edward wants to go somewhere you could come too! And Bella, we'll invite her."

I was strangely pleased with that idea.

I have only been with her for an hour, but Bella was pretty damn cool.

She was shy and observant, and that was intriguing. A change from Alice's over zealous personality and Rose's frequent (constant) bitchiness.

I agreed, "That sounds like fun."

She picked up the phone and called someone. "Hey Carlisle, is Edward home?"

I leaned in close to try to hear what was being said.

She turned it onto speakerphone for me. Dr. Cullen, Carlisle, answered, "I'm sorry Alice, but he can't talk right now."

She frowned, "Aww, why not?" I smirked at her innocent demeanor. She was always so childish and cheerful.

Carlisle answered, "I'm afraid he's grounded until Monday."

Alice leaned back and asked conversationally, as if used to this happening, "What did he do?"

We were informed, "He hit the student teacher in his Science class in the face with the text book." I felt my mouth fall open. That was extremely out of character for Edward! Emmett, maybe, but never my gentle friend. I wondered what could have made him so angry.

Alice seemed surprised, too. "Oh… That's really odd."

Carlisle sighed, "It's a long story, one I don't actually have time to tell you. I have to go to work."

She smiled again, "Okay, have fun! Say bye to Jasper!"

Carlisle chuckled, "Bye Jasper! Bye Alice."

He hung up, and Alice set the receiver back on the base.

I commented, "You talk to him like _he's_ your boyfriend."

She blushed, "Ew, no! He mom's best friend, that is so gross."

I shrugged and teased her, "I'm just saying that y-" She shoved a warm sugar cookie into my mouth and grinned.

"Just be quiet and find the chocolate chips!"


	6. Broken Glass

**I would like to dedicate this chapter to my two loyalist reviewers, ****You-Dazzle-Me-1901**** and ****MoreThenLikelyCrazy****. I look forward to seeing what you two have to say after each update; thanks for being so awesome!**

_----The line is being a bitch and won't work, so let's pretend it's here.----_

Two months passed, I was official with Bella Swan now.

She's such a sweet and caring person. I'm drawn to her like a moth, a lost puppy. I trusted her enough, being a more open person thanks of Edward's family, to let her know my secret.

She was very supportive, and swore on her life to never tell her dad. The last thing I need is for Charlie Swan to get more involved in my business then he already is!

Two months have passed.

I'm sure that dad's riding the needle, he's worse then ever now. He's as mean as a tired jaguar and he's started to threaten mom.

I get into actual arguments now; it's him and_ me_ who have the 2am screaming matches.

Naturally, you can assume I am almost always raw and bruised because of it. In the last two months I've hidden at Carlisle's house three times.

I don't mind as much as I thought I would. When in 60 days you live through 42 beatings, you get a little used to it.

They still hurt like no hell, but I can't do anything about that. It's either make his attacks less severe, or let him hurt my mom.

The choice is obvious.

Today I was sitting in the living room, trying to read a book.

Extremely intoxicated as she usually is now a days, my mom asked near-incoherently, "Jazter, quare's sa refote?" Translation for those of you who don't speak drunk: 'Jasper, where's the remote?'

I sighed and answered her gently, "Mom, you're holding it."

She lifted her hand and blinked in surprise, giggling stupidly. I felt a stab of pity for her.

She did this to herself so she could hide from her horrible reality. So she doesn't have to see the black and green welts on her son's body every time she looks at me. All she has to bear is whatever happy delusion her crazy, alcohol poisoned mind can create for her.

She flipped backwards through the channels until she passed out, landing on the Spanish channel.

I really wanted to leave; it breaks my heart to see her like this. Dad doesn't leave for work for another hour, though.

Turning off the TV I went to the closet, and returned to my mother with a blanket. I unfolded it and carefully set it over her to block out the cold November draft.

I kicked an empty vodka bottle across the room in disgust and it shattered against the wall.

The doorbell rang and I practically jumped out of my skin in surprise.

Nobody ever comes over to this house. The neighbors can, obviously, hear what goes on. They're all too afraid.

I peered out the blinds, relaxing when I saw Bella there.

Smiling to myself I opened the door a bit, trying to ignore her flinch when she saw my shirtless chest.

I joked lightly, "What brings you so close to hell?"

She frowned, not amused by my sadly believable comparison. "Just wanted to see if you were okay. Alice said you slept over last night."

I frowned and pulled her into the house, closing the door quickly.

I shrugged in embarrassment. "Well, mom was at work, and I had to get out of here. Don't worry."

Her eyes darkened and her fingers gently slid across my chest, making me wince.

"They're new."

The burn of her salty skin touching my wounds was too great and I slapped her wrist away. She jumped in surprise, hesitantly lowering her arm.

I apologized, "Sorry. That hurt though."

She took my hand and asked me, "Did he do it this morning, already?"

The horror is her voice was matched by an equal repulsion shining in her eyes.

I informed her, "No, yesterday. That's why I went to Alice's. Mom broke all of his syringes and he was about to slap her, I got in between them."

I looked away in shame, thoroughly embarrassed with my terrible father and his violence.

She picked up on my sudden mood shift and quickly changed the subject.

Her eyes darted around the room warily, "Is it safe for us to be here?"

This is her first time ever coming to the house, I wished she hadn't. Leaning forward I kissed her gently, leading her into the kitchen.

"Dad is leaving soon."

Speaking of Satan himself, I heard the shower turn off upstairs.

We sat at the kitchen table and I asked, "Are you hungry?"

She smiled, "No. Do you want to take a walk later?"

I would so jump in Lake Michigan naked it if would get me away from his house of horrors.

"Sure!"

She asked, "So, when are you coming to let me introduce you to dad? I've told him I had a boyfriend, but I kept you a secret."

I felt my face harden and I shivered with anxiety. "He doesn't know it's me?"

She frowned in confusion, "No. Why, would he be unhappy?"

Oh, I can guess he certainly would be! He's arrested me twice for fighting, once for being caught drinking beer at a party, and I swear it's _always_ him who arrests my dad for drug charges. He is a deputy, so he does do a lot more then the regular police.

I sighed bitterly, "I'm sure if you ask him about me later, you'll learn a few things you don't want to hear."

Her eyes were soft and she promised, "I want to know _everything_ about you, good or bad."

I smiled, but didn't get to reply.

A vicious snarl from the doorway startled me. "And what's all this?"

I glared at my father sourly. It's his fault mom's lying half dead with delirium on the couch.

I coolly responded, "This is a woman, not very observant are you?"

My heart was practically pounding in my chest, but I forced myself to be confident.

He glared at me and threatened, "If you think I won't straighten you out in front of her, your wrong."

I crossed my arms gingerly across my chest and lifted my chin, challenging, "If you don't think I'll stop you, _you're _an idiot."

I felt a hidden excitement flare inside of me. My first open defiance towards him!

He glanced at the clock, his eyes dark. "Oh hell, boy, you are so lucky I'm late for work!"

I knew I was committing suicide, but something deep inside of me snapped. I didn't want to sit around quietly anymore! Not when all I had to do was look in a mirror and see what the results were.

I muttered, "Excuses."

I must be going crazy! Did I just_ invite_ him to come and pound the living hell out of me?

_GOD!_

Jasper, your a fucking retard!

Dad stomped out of the kitchen, ranting to himself, "Such an ungrateful little bastard. I'll ring his neck, talk to me like that in my house!"

I peered over the doorframe and boldly pointed out, "The house is in mom's name!"

I immediately sprang out of the way as a lamp came soaring at me, shattering against the wall of the kitchen and spraying all over.

Dad roared, "Your fucking _dead_ tonight, Jasper! You just wait!" He slammed the front door closed so hard two pictures fell off of the wall.

He's never thrown lamps before.

_Shit!_

The many horrible possibilities of what 'dead' meant flittered through my mind and I felt my stomach clench, my knees actually giving out as I fell onto the kitchen chair.

I buried my head in my hands and shook my head. "Fuck! Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

Bella asked me, her eyes wide, "Is he always like that?" Her voice was shaky and frightened. I was too ashamed to tell her what it was really like. Me cowering under him like a kicked dog, crying and begging for him to stop hurting me.

I shook my head and edited, "Worse."

She asked bravely, "How can it be _worse?_"

I firmly assured her, "You won't want to hear about it."

I sensed her sudden terror and glanced up, her brown eyes were dark with fear and horror.

I suggested instantly, "Let's go see if Alice is home."

She asked me, "Do you want help cleaning up first?"

I kicked a piece of the lamp across the room and sighed, "We always have broken glass around here, just leave it for later."

I ran up the stairs and looked for a shirt. She followed me, peering cautiously into my room as I shuffled through the dresser in my closet.

I asked her self-consciously, "What are you frowning at?" I glanced behind me; the room looked the way it always did.

She pointed out, "There's blood on your blankets."

I frowned darkly, "Oh." I suppose I was so used to my cuts seeping I didn't notice it anymore.

Pulling a shirt on I promised, "I'll wash it later."

She smiled as I took her hand and led her down the stairs. I scribbled that I was leaving on a yellow sticky note and stuck it right to mom's arm. She could find it when she woke up if it was there, maybe.

Bella and I left and I felt more relaxed outside.

However, it was impossible for me to not worry about tonight and imagine how many more things would be broken by dad today: including me.


	7. Innocence Is Over Rated

We met up with Alice, and went to the park. Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie were there. Emmett and Rosalie settled down under a tree, and Alice and Bella started playing tag.

I sat at a picnic table with Edward.

He was staring at a nasty bruise on my cheek and frowned, "Winter break's soon, Jazz. You going to be okay all that time?

They were going to visit their aunt Tanya in Wisconsin on the 21st, until the 2nd.

Today was only the 9th, so what was he so worried about? He lifted my arm to look at a long scrape on my elbow.

I jerked it away from him fiercely and insisted, "I've been fine every other winter break."

He crossed his arms and snapped, "Yeah, well you weren't sleeping on my couch every other spring break because you're scared of Richard."

I flinched at his harsh words.

His eyes softened and he was really gentle again, "I shouldn't have said that Jasper, I'm sor-"

I snarled, "_Save it_ _Edward_! I don't want to talk to you."

I pointedly spun around and glared at the opposite end of the park in fury. How dare he! If Carlisle was kicking his ass and he had to sleep at my house, I would_ never_ point it out so meanly.

Edward sprung around too, "Jasper?"

I jumped off of the picnic bench and sprinted a few meters away. "Leave me alone!"

My eyes stung with tears and I quickly wiped them aside.

As determined as always, Edward ran after me and caught my arm. I winced and immediately stiffened; it was a natural reaction now.

He frowned, "I knew it!"

I glowered at him, "Knew what?"

He let go of me and his eyes swam with sorrow.

"Jasper, it's so obvious he's hurting you now. The teachers are even starting to whisper. When someone touches your shoulder you flinch. When a really big guy moves too fast by you, you recoil. For god's sake, you even did it with Emmett yesterday!"

I blushed in embarrassment and turned away again, fighting back my tears.

"I have other places to go."

He foiled my plans, "Alice is going to Indiana for that competition until January, remember? And Bella's dad doesn't let guys sleep over because of what happened to Rosalie."

I felt my fear clawing at me and couldn't stop tears from spilling onto my cheeks. I knew how dangerously alone I was; I really _didn't_ need his help realizing it.

My voice was way too high in pitch as I wailed, "Look, I'll sleep in the damn park if I have to, alright? Does that make you happy now?"

Bella stumbled over the uneven ground, distracted by my outburst, and Alice caught her before she fell. They were both staring at us with wide eyes.

Edward slipped around me to stand in front of me and I lowered my head, ashamed of my tears.

He sighed patiently and gently lifted my head up, using his sleeve to wipe my face, "Don't cry Jasper, please? I shouldn't have brought any of it up, I'm sorry."

I indignantly pulled away from him, since when did he become my mom? I wiped my own eyes and caught my breath.

Ignoring my yelp of pain, Edward locked me in an iron-gripped hug.

"Just promise me you'll stay safe, alright?"

I wanted to promise him that I would, wishing I could.

Instead I gingerly wrapped my arms around him; unused to this open of affection; and whispered, "I'll try."

Bella pried Edward off of me after a few seconds, "Okay you, mind the wounded!"

All three of us laughed a little bit, and only because she pointed it out did I realize the embrace had set a new fire to my chest and shoulders.

Alice cleared her throat for attention, "Guys, this is a kids park! Keep it G Rated!!"

I followed her eyes in time to see Emmett's over pressing Rosalie against the ground, her neck in his teeth and his hands on her hips. Rose's hands were so far up his back we could see the swell of muscles all the way to his shoulders. Only because Alice had budded in did the two of them pull apart, glaring daggers at their younger friend. Edward loped over to her, grabbing her and planting a fierce kiss on her chest, making her giggle.

He demanded, "Where's the fun in censoring? We can give the kiddies their first Sex Ed class!"

Alice blushed a deep red and wiggled away from him, gracefully twirling aside. "Sorry Edward, but we don't have a license to teach!"

Edward lunged for her and she screamed playfully, darting away.

Emmett sprang to his feet; "I'll get him for you, Alice!"

I laughed as Edward B-lined and flailed away from his tank of a brother.

Bella hugged my arms and smiled, "I wish everyday could be so carefree."

I hissed her head, "Me too."

She ran her hand across my face gently and vowed, "One day things will get better."

I hugged her against me a little bit and sighed, "Only once you and I are together; and far away from Detroit!"

She set her hands on my shoulders and smiled, eyes shining with a raw and terrifyingly powerful love.

"The day I turn 18 we're going to Vegas and getting married. Alice and Edward can sit in the backseat and watch, and that will be that. You'll be mine forever!"

She stretched forward on her toes and pressed her lips against mine gently. I pulled her close, leaning down into the kiss. My curls fell into my eyes and she laughed.

A squeal from Edward startled us apart. Emmett tackled him into the ground hard and locked his neck in a stranglehold.

Edward kicked wildly, "Can't breath!"

I grinned, "I'll be right back."

I charged across the field and dove into Emmett, bundling him onto his back and away from Edward.

He rolled me easily off of him and his eyes twinkled, "I'm going to get you for that!"

Before he had the chance, Edward jumped on top of him, pressing his elbow into his older brother's throat, "You have to get through me first!"

If only everyday _could_ be so carefree.

Too bad some of us had a harsh, painful reality to return to in a few hours.

* * *

Dad wasn't kidding earlier, I was as good as dead by the time he was finished with me. I lay on the living room floor as I listened to him stomp up the stairs.

I struggled to lift my head, propping myself up on my elbows. My vision was hazy and my stomach lurched when I moved. With a small gag I threw up blood onto the carpet.

_Ew._

I coughed a few times and shoved my shirt into it to try to soak it up, as if anyone would notice the stain anyway.

I rolled onto my knees, gripping the coffee table for support as I tried to let my mind catch up with things. He had elbowed me in my temple, and now my reaction time was really slow.

A few minuets later, though, the only thing making my eyes blurry was the stream of hot tears falling down my face. It almost hurt too much to move.

I clamored to my feet, acutely embarrassed when I felt moistness in my pants. I hadn't realized I had wet myself.

Then again, it's hard to control bodily functions when your busy trying to ignore the painful lashes and strikes assaulting your body for almost twenty whole minuets.

I cautiously tried to stumble my way to the stairs, only to waver and fall over, landing hard against the wall. I yelped in agony as a raw, skin-worn cut on my exposed lower-back broke open and started bleeding.

I couldn't even walk!

I felt blood dripping out of my nose and rolling down my stomach. I needed help, but I couldn't call 9-1-1. I scrambled on my hands and knees back over to the left end of the couch.

I dialed the phone and heard Emmett answer, "Cullen's!" It took my brain a second to process why I had called; everything seemed to be going in slow motion.

"Emmett, I need help."

His light tone immediately flickered with fear, "Are you alright? Where are you?" Where am I! I used the house phone, didn't I?

I snapped, "Don't be such an idiot. Is your dad home?"

I whined a little bit, hoping he was.

Emmett reported, "He's at work. What's going on Jasper, do you _need_ a doctor?"

Fuck!!

They'd take me to the hospital, police would get involved, and mom would be left vulnerable!

"No, damn you! Just come pick me up or something, please? I can't get up- but nothings broken."

I knew he was going to ask it, so I figured I might as well tell him before he panicked.

"Just come fast."

I hit the off button on the phone and let my head fall back against the couch, pressing my thumb on the pressure point under my nose try the stop it from bleeding all over me.


	8. Blood and Tears

**I want to thank ****You-Dazzle-Me-1901**** for the inspiration for this chapter!**

* * *

I heard Emmett's monster of a truck snarl into the driveway who knows how long later. The door was yanked open and a few people crouched down in front of me. They were blurry, like colored shadows.

I asked nervously, "Where's Emmett?"

One of the shadows answered, "I'm right here, Jasper. Can't you see me?"

I blinked a few times, squinting. "Not really."

A smaller shadow, I assumed Edward, shoved my head aside and I protested, "Hey!"

Edward announced, "His head is bleeding back here. Let's get him to the hospital."

I flailed against them as they grabbed my arms, "No! No hospitals, you bastards. Let go of me!"

In my weakened, dizzy, state they easily restrained my resistance and I felt them marching me out to Emmett's car.

Edward soothed, "It'll be okay, Jasper, just calm down."

Calm…

I didn't want to be calm!

I snarled, "But my mom!!"

Emmett heaved me into his back seat, "She's at work, remember?" Did I remember? No, I don't think so.

I hurt so damn much, I didn't remember anything really.

I whimpered, "No hospitals guys, _please_?" The car started and I soon fell asleep to the gentle rocking motion of the vehicle.

I woke up on Edward's bed, much to my glee. My head was killing me, and my body felt stiff with pain. I peered over the blanket that practically covered my face and saw Edward curled into a ball, sleeping on a quilt laid onto the floor.

My eyes drifted to the window, which had a built-in seat. Alice was on it, staring at the clouds drifting by.

I asked weakly, "Alice, can I have some aspirin?"

It felt like someone was kicking me in the back of the head, my eyes were under so much pressure I could swear they were being squeezed.

Alice hurried onto her feet. "Of course, I'll go get it for you."

She stepped lightly over Edward and silently made her way down the stairs.

I shivered and pulled the covers closer to my neck. It _was_ December; I suppose I should expect it to be cold.

Edward was probably freezing.

Sitting up suddenly; after my flash of dizziness subsided; I pulled one of the blankets off of his bed and set it on top of it. I wrapped the other around me and leaned my back against a pillow I propped against the wall.

A couple of moments later, Alice came back in. She had a glass of ice water and four little red aspirins.

I took them gratefully and complained, "My head hurts."

She sat beside me on the couch and nodded, "I would imagine. Mom almost had to sew it shut, but the skull wasn't broken, just the skin."

I gingerly pressed at the wound on my head. My hair didn't feel stiff, was it clean? "Where's all the blood?"

She smiled, "Mom washed it out. You've been asleep for two days."

_Two days_?

Holy hell!

I panicked, "Where's my mom? Does my dad know where I am?"

I started to struggle to the edge of the bed to go find a phone. With a startling amount of force she shoved me back against the pillow.

Her eyes flashed and she scolded me irritably, "Calm down, Jasper! You can't strain yourself, so you _will_ keep resting until your stronger."

I felt my body stiffen at her angry tone, instinct.

I whispered fearfully, "I'm sorry."

Her face softened when she realized she scared me.

Scooting closer she set her head on my shoulder. "Don't say that all the time. _I'm_ sorry, I shouldn't yell at you like that. I just worry about you, you're my brother!"

I smiled gently and set my chin on the top of her head.

I asked quietly, "Can you answer my questions at least?"

She replied simply, "Your mom is in Windsor, she has a business trip that she isn't coming back from for another few weeks; very important I have heard. Your dad knows you're here; Carlisle threatened to call the cops on him if he came to get you. You're staying with me and mom until after the New Year."

I asked, "But what about your thing in Indiana?"

She sounded a little disappointed, "It was canceled because the head judge broke his foot, or something like that. Rescheduled for February."

I sighed gently and let my eyes close.

I was free!

Well, sort of. I needed to stop home at least once to get my clothes, but _then_ I was free for the next three weeks.

Awesome.

* * *

"Bella, stay out here." Bella had come to visit me at Edward's house, and she came along for the ride with Carlisle to my house.

She frowned, "I don't want to."

I rolled my eyes, "Why not?"

She shrugged, "Why should I?"

Carlisle smiled and opened the door to his car, "Let her come if she wants, Jasper, it can't hurt."

I grumbled under my breath as I slipped out of the car, stalking inside with hyper-aware scenes.

My dad was sitting on the couch, and he immediately glared furiously at me. I stopped dead in my tracks and a shiver ran through my spine.

He growled, "You're a fucking idiot, you know that?"

I swallowed hard and asked, "Why?"

He started walking towards me threateningly. "Are you that stupid?"

He grabbed me and slammed me against the wall. I felt my heart immediately begin to thump erratically in my chest as a gripping error clutched at me.

"Do you think you can get away from me? That you can run off to your friends every time you want? What if I just take care of you once and for all, what happens then?"

I stared at him with huge, horrified eyes. I could tell by how bloodshot his were that he was on a drug-high; and that he probably didn't mean that.

But what would you do if your life was just threatened my a man who could actually take it?

You would panic.

I panicked.

I felt myself shrinking visibly under his steely glare and tears started to form in my eyes.

I begged him, "I'm sorry dad, please don't do anything! I'll stay if that's what you want!"

He seemed pleased at my reaction. His hands started to loosen, and then Bella came into the house. Her mouth fell open when she saw him man-handling me. She spazzed out!

Fury ripped across her soft brown eyes and she shrieked, "Let go of him!"

Bravely; fucking _stupidly_; tried to pull me away from him. Too late for me to warn her to run, my father swung his arm at her.

The sound of his hand connecting with _her_ flesh; _my_ Bella's face; echoed dramatically in my ears.

I felt a surge of energy and I snarled, "You stupid fucker! How dare you!"

I shoved him away violently and dropped to my knees, cradling Bella in my arms. Her eyes were watering, but she looked more stunned then anyway as a dark red handprint started forming on her face.

I saw my dad make a move for us and I flinched, but hunched myself over Bella like a protective shell.

The attack never came.

Instead, I heard the familiar sound of a fist cracking into someone's face. I glanced warily behind my shoulder; Carlisle was standing over my dad; who was lying on his back, blood pouring out of his nose.

I think he was knocked out, because he wasn't moving.

Carlisle wiped the blood onto his pants and calmly took control of the situation.

"Bella, are you alright?" He sounded genuinely concerned as he glanced at her.

She swallowed and shakily answered, "Yeah, I'm fine."

Carlisle smiled a little bit, "Good. Why don't the two of you go and get what we came for, then?"

I was extremely shocked that he was so relaxed after just assaulting someone twice his size so efficiently!

I stood up and pulled Bella to her feet. We darted up the stairs and into my room. She helped me toss clothes into a little suitcase, and then we both returned down the stairs.

My dad was still unconscious, but he was propped up against the couch now, and his nose had stopped bleeding.

I asked, "Are we… going to wake him up?"

Edward's father shook his head, "He can stay that way. Come on, let's go home."

I led Bella into the car, pulling her onto my lap and nuzzling her neck.

I asked, "Are you sure your okay? I told you I wanted you to stay in the car!"

She hugged me and frowned, "But he was hurting you, Jasper. Was I just supposed to stand there and _watch_?"

I bit my lip and sighed deeply.

I ran my hand across her red cheek for a second before I shook my head, "You don't get it."

Her finger brushed my chin and she slowly lifted my head, forcing me to look her in the eyes. "Then explain it to me."

She wasn't asking me, she was telling me. She was really trying to understand what I wanted her to.

I frowned, "I'm used to it, after all this time. He wouldn't have done anything he hasn't done before; I don't even think that's possible after this long. You should have never endangered yourself."

She kissed me and promised, "I'd do anything for you, Jasper. It's not like I can help it, you know. My mind saw you in a potentially harmful situation and it just made me get in the way. I fucking hate seeing you like this."

I felt my mouth fall open.

She never swore!

Her hands gently glided across my chest, which still had fading bruises.

She whimpered, "I just want you to be safe, Jasper. Is that so wrong?"

I insisted stubbornly, "Yes, if it means risking your own safety. It's _really_ wrong!"

She narrowed her eyes, her face hard as stone.

She whispered, "Neither of us have to be hurting anymore, Jasper, if you'd just let me talk to my dad."

The desperate rage that must have shown in my eyes made her shrink away from me.

I hissed, "You promised me Bella, o_n your life_, you will never tell him."

She gazed into my face for the longest time before sighing and leaning back, her head resting on my chest.

She whispered weakly, "I'll keep that promise, Jasper, on my life. I just hope it doesn't cost you yours."


	9. Bonding

**This is a bonus chapter that was written in dedication to ****latrese, who wrote me a 156-word review! That really made my day after coming home late from school because I was studying for finals with my Spanish teacher. Now, because **_**so**_** many people have been asking for it, this is a special chapter for bonding time! (And while I'm here, someone PM'd me and asked what time frame this is. It's December of 2005.)**

* * *

"It's _Saturday_!" Edward literally bounced into the room, leaping over the couch and landing in between Bella and me. Well, he would have landed _on_ me; but I was quick enough to jump aside.

He smiled, "Date night! I'm taking Alice to see that new Chronicles of Narnia thing because she loves the books so much. You two in?"

Bella sighed, "Not today. I want to go and loiter somewhere; I never get to just walk around! We should go up to Hazel Park."

I peered over Edward and narrowed my eyes, "Bella it's like 19 degrees outside. There's 7 inches of snow! You want to just walk around and freeze us to death?"

Edward suggested, "The Historical Museum on Woodward is open until five. Parking is $4, or you can use a meter on the street; _or_ you can ask Emmett to drive you because he's going past there with Rose soon anyway. Dad might take you, too."

Who knew Edward could be so helpful! I glanced at Bella, silently asking if she wanted to go, she just shrugged.

I smiled, "Cool, I'll go find us a ride."

I hopped up the stairs and was about to go into Emmett's room, but I immediately hesitated once I looked in through the doorway.

Rosalie was lying on Emmett's bed, and he was on top of her and unbuttoning her shirt while they kissed. Holy hell, aren't they even going to close the damned door?

Carlisle exited his office and saw me, looking curious as he came to see what I was staring at.

He rolled his eyes and very loudly interrupted, "Hey you two, knock it off!"

Rosalie blushed and Emmett glared at his dad, "Do you have to do that every time?"

Carlisle pointed out, "_She's_ not eighteen yet, Emmett, I'm only thinking of you and the Statutory laws."

Emmett sighed in exasperation before asking, "Did you need something, Jasper?"

I teased, "If your not too busy, then yeah. Someone want to give me and Bella a ride to the museum?"

Rosalie redid the lower of the two open buttons on her shirt and offered, "I'll do it, I have to run back to the house anyway. Maybe you two can come in for a while, the museum doesn't open until ten anyway."

I glanced at Emmett's alarm clock, it was only nine.

I agreed, "I'll go tell her."

I went down the stars and turned the corner, almost walking right into Alice.

She jumped back with a squeak, "Oh, sorry! I didn't know you were there."

I laughed, "Yeah, because I don't stomp around like Edward does." I had to duck to avoid the shoe that was thrown at me.

I grinned and picked it up.

"Bad idea, Edward."

He frowned, "Huh?" I ran over to the front door and pulled it open.

Edward snarled, "Jasper, you'd better not!" Before he could try to stop me, I hurled the shoe at least nine feet, out into the half-foot snow.

I innocently commented, "Oops, I just did!"

Edward pouted at Alice, she shook her head, "You shouldn't have thrown it at him."

He glanced hopefully at Bella, she demanded, "Don't drag me into this."

Edward complained, "I don't have a second pair! I can't go out there with just my socks on." The girls just laughed at him.

He sighed and walked over to me, "I hate you sometimes."

With that he raced outside, muttering about the cold, and tried to find his lost accessory. I snuck up behind him just as he bent onto to pick the shoe up, and I shoved him forward. He landed face first in the fluffy white powder and I erupted with laughter.

Rolling onto his back; cold forgotten; he threatened, "Jasper you fucking idiot! I'm going to kill you!"

I took a step back and teased him, "Edward, you shouldn't swear where Carlisle can hear you! He mig-"

My joking was cut short when he tackled me and my jacket-less body was instantly assaulted by the _freezing_ cold ice that half-engulfed me.

Edward crammed a fistful of it right into my face, "Hah! How do you like it?" I flailed and tossed him aside, coughing out ice chunks.

"You little brat!"

He scrambled away from me as I started chasing him around the front yard. I saw a flash; probably Alice documenting this with her infamous camera; but chose to ignore it.

I dove forward and grabbed Edward's leg, knocking him over. He landed on me; but I didn't mind being crunched into the foot-high drift because he was in it with me.

We both jumped when Carlisle's furious voice echoed through the quiet morning air, "Boys! Get in this right and change _right now_ before you get sick!"

I growled playfully, "Get off of me, you!"

Edward stood up on stiff, cold, legs and helped me to my feet.

He glowered at me, "If we're in trouble I blame you."

I rubbed snow out of my hair, "You started the war, I just retaliated."

Carlisle was glaring sternly at us, but he didn't say anything more as we shuffled past him and went upstairs.

Rosalie frowned at us as we walked by her, dripping and thoroughly wet.

I paused by the door, "Emmett, do you have a shirt for me? Edward's are all too small."

Emmett laughed and handed me one of his smaller ones. I smiled and followed Edward into his room. He was digging through his closet.

After tossing some socks all over the floor he declared, "Aha!"

He pulled out a pair of dark blue jeans. "Here you go. They're a little big for me, so they should fit you just fine."

I took them and went into the bathroom, pulling off my shirt and drying my wet arms and back with a towel.

I changed into the new outfit and slipped my jacket on before meeting Rose and Bella downstairs. Bella smiled at me and we went out to the convertible.

Rosalie cranked the heat. We pulled into the driveway a while later and Rose laid down the law.

"You two be quiet when we get back to the house, dad's got the flu and he's asleep. He _just_ fell asleep earlier, and he's been sick for three days. If you two wake him up you'll regret it."

Feisty today, isn't she?

I peered at her from the side and asked, "Did your mood get ruined by Carlisle, Rosie?"

She elbowed me in the chest and knocked me back into my chair.

I whined, "Fuck Rosalie, that _hurt_!" She grinned as I rubbed the afflicted area over my jacket.

Bella smiled at me and asked, "Do you need me to kiss it and make it better?"

I felt myself turning pink and I played along, "Maybe."

She took my hand and led me into her living room. Pushing me onto the couch she climbed over me, straddling my lap. She pulled the zipper of my jacket down and pushed it down my shoulders.

I pulled my arms out and wrapped them around her back. She smiled and leaned forward to kiss my neck.

I joked, "You're a little bit off there, Bella."

Smiling she glided her nose across my cheek and breathed, "Really? Is this better?"

Her lips found mine and she pressed against them forcefully.

I eagerly accepted her kiss, soaking in the way her sweet lips felt as soft as velvet against mine.

I felt her tongue graze my mouth and I opened it a little for her. She didn't enter, but she surprised my pleasantly by pulling my lower lip into her teeth and biting down a bit.

With a surge of confidence I wrapped my hands around her neck and pulled her closer.

I planted a line of kissed from her cheek, down her jaw line, to her neck. She shivered as I sucked on the smooth skin gently.

Her fingers tangled in my hair and she hissed happily.

I smirked and slid my tongue down to her throat.

She giggled a little bit and we finally broke away.

She was blushing a serious shade of red as she wiped the moisture off of her. She twisted herself so she was sitting on my lap and snuggled close to my chest.

"Hell Jasper, where did you learn to kiss like that? Should I be worried about some competition?"

I asked, in a playful aghast, "You think I'm cheating on you?"

Her eyes twinkled and she sighed, "I don't know, you're awfully close to Alice."

I grinned and smacked my hand against her ass one sharp time. She squealed, her face igniting a dark red yet again. She's so adorable when she's embarrassed…

"Hey, I was kidding!" I smiled and slid my fingers through her hair, gazing into her deep brown eyes.

I sighed, "I love you, Bella." She wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her nose into my collarbone.

She promised, "I love you too, Jasper, always."


	10. The End?

(1-2 weeks later.)

* * *

"Rosalie, slow down!" It was midnight, and I was walking Rose and Bella home. We had lost track of time at the park, and we were all out past curfew.

If anyone found us Charlie would just wave a fine, Rose didn't need to be walking so fast! She's like, twenty feet ahead of us.

She sighed irritably, "You two hurry it. It's fucking cold out here, I want to get home already."

I rolled my eyes and turned back to Bella, to continue our conversation about oysters, when Rosalie shrieked.

Some drunk guy in his early twenties had stumbled out of the alley was she was just about to walk by, startling her.

He looked Rosalie over like she was a steak and he grinned, "Hey there beautiful, what are you doing out this late? Looking for a good time?"

I saw Rosalie's whole body stiffen and I ran forward, pushing between her and the drunken guy like a shield.

I snarled, "Hey freak, back off of her!" My hands reached behind me and I gently pushed Rose back a foot, into Bella's ready arms.

The guy rubbed his nose and snorted, "Hey, stay out of this kid. It doesn't concern you."

I glanced behind me, and Bella got the hint.

Rosalie had been put into foster care after her father was arrested for multiple counts of rape. Her eyes were as big as saucers, and she looked like she was going to pass out. I can only imagine this is a semi-horrifying experience for her, facing the thing she fears the most.

Bella whispered, "Run!"

The girls turned and fled down the sidewalk.

The guy started after them, I leapt on top of him and slammed the back of his head into the ground.

Someone called the cops on us, but we continued to scuffle even as the police cars pulled up on the sidewalk. Charlie Swan and one other man ripped me off of the guy, but I swung my leg and got in one last kick to the face before I was too far away to strike him.

Charlie asked, "Is that you, Jasper?"

I wiped the mask of blood that a cut above my eye had given me away with a sleeve, "Yeah."

Charlie looked around frantically, "Weren't the girls with you?"

I nodded, "He was going to hurt them, I held him off and they fled."

I've never seen any person's eyes shine with more relief then his did.

He asked, "So, he began the fight?"

I hesitated, dabbing my cut with the bottom of my shirt. "Uh, not exactly. He lunged but I threw the first punch after I knocked him over."

Charlie frowned, "Oh, Jasper… I have to take you in for that."

I held my wrists out sourly, "It wouldn't be the first time."

An ambulance split down the road, and they loaded the half-conscious man into the back. Thirty people or so watched as I was loosely handcuffed and stuck into the back of a police car.

* * *

At the station, they wanted me to put on one of their clean shirts and wash my face off. I had a ton of bruises, so I pitched such a big fit about it they just snapped the pictures and tossed me into a holding cell.

I growled profanities under my breath as I paced from side to side. My step faltered and my heart skipped a beat when I heard those echoing, heavy, feet making their way down the hall.

A police officer unlocked the door to my cell and I walked out of it, falling into the shadow of my dad.

He glared at me, "You really fucked up this time."

I rolled my eyes; I didn't want to hear it. I turned and started to walk away but dad grabbed my arm to stop me.

His massive hand bit painfully into my flesh and I could actually feel my tender capillaries bursting, starting to bruise.

It felt like needles were being stabbed into my arm.

Instinctively, I whirled around and slammed my fist right into his face. He was knocked backwards, and two cops had to catch him before he fell and cracked his head open. My knuckles were split open, and his mouth was bleeding badly.

My fleeting moment of glory was smothered when his eyes met mine.

They were completely emotionless.

I was used to rage, or hate, but _never_ that flat, indifferent look I saw right now.

Straightening himself he wiped his face and quietly informed me, "We will talk about this at home."

My knees felt too weak to even stand as the ominous meaning behind his words went un-noticed by the security guards.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders with enough force to snap me in half and started leading me away.

Bella and Rosalie were here, and they sprang to their feet when they saw me.

I locked my eyes with Bella's in desperation.

Her face went white when she saw the raw terror shining back at her.

I was, for the first time in my life, _deathly_ afraid to return home.

* * *

**(AN: Semi-detailed violence right here. If you don't like it, uhh... You can figure out what you missed in the next chapter. lol)**

I was literally thrown into the back seat of the car. I sat small and silently the whole ride home, and my dad ignored me as if I wasn't even there.

When we made it back, he yanked me out of the car and dragged me into the house. He slammed the door shut and with a massive push sent me flying right on top of the glass coffee table so violently it broke in half.

Pieces shattered under me and I felt them pierce the skin of my back.

Dad raged, "You _son_ of a _bitch_, this is the last straw! I'm going to take care of you once and for all!"

He slammed his foot down of the coffee table and snapped for of the thin iron legs right off.

I covered my face and begged him, "Please wait!"

But he didn't listen to me.

The wind whizzed as the deadly item sliced through the air and I screamed in agony as it cracked brutally against my ribcage, and the blood started to flow out.

After a head blow, I was too dizzy to actually feel the pain anymore.

Maybe that was a good thing.

Maybe God was taking pity on me finally and making it so I didn't have to endue the horrible death I think I was facing.

It stopped when I heard the hum of my mother's voice as she came home from work.

I heard screaming, then a loud crack and a thud.

I _think_ I recognized it, but my head hurt too much to think.

The last thing I remember was seeing my dad looming over me though hazy eyes, and then the blackness.


	11. I'm Going Democrat

I couldn't remember much over the next six days, because I was barely conscious. I remember a lot of crying, a _lot_ of cops.

I think Edward had tried to talk to me once, but I couldn't be sure.

On day seven, according to the calendar on my nightstand, I fluttered my eyes open and my senses were hyper charged. Several people were in this room in the hospital with me.

Esme and Alice were leaning against each other by the window, sleeping. Edward was asleep on the floor. Charlie and Bella were awake, talking to one another in low voices on the other side of the room. Carlisle was right beside me, fussing with wires that connected me to a monitor.

I asked, "What's going on?"

I tried to sit up, and Carlisle grabbed my shoulder firmly and forced me to lie down.

"Don't move too much, you'll make yourself dizzy. That head wounds kept for under for a week."

I frowned and he asked, "How are you feeling? Where's the pain?"

I felt a throb in my ribcage, the side of my head felt like it was cracked open and someone was blowing air onto my brain, one knee and the opposite elbow were very sore. I told him all of that, and he left to get me some medicine.

I glared at Charlie and demanded, "What is going on?"

He stood up, coming to the foot of my bed. "You're in the hospital. When you left the station, Bella went into near hysterics, insisting you were in danger. By the time we got there, you were half dead. You blood covered most of the living room." He stopped there, hesitating to go into detail with his daughter right here.

I asked, terrified, "Did you get him? Is he in jail now?"

Charlie shook his head. "Jasper, he's dead. He had a gun pointed at you, we had to act immediately or it would have been too late."

_Dead!_

I laid my head back, dazed.

How many times have I imagined that? Imagined myself dancing on his grave. Imagined myself setting him on fire, listening to his screams until he was ash then kicking it into the wind as I laughed. Imagined myself getting the biggest knife we had in the kitchen and slamming it into his chest as hard as I could.

But now it was real, and I was shocked. The monster was gone; mom and me could live fearlessly now. In peace!

Mom! I snapped my head up and looked around.

I know she had been there, I heard her! "Where's mom?"

Silence.

Absolute, smothering, silence.

My heart stopped and sped up at the same time. I glared at Charlie and he looked away. Tears were already falling from my eyes, something happened.

I pinned Bella down with my glare and asked, "Where is she? Tell me!"

She took my hand and whispered, "She's dead, too, Jasper."

I flinched and pinched my eyes closed, trembling as I started to sob.

That vaguely familiar noise ricocheted through my ears with a sudden, startling, clarity.

I made the connection and wailed, "He shot her!"

Mr. Swan softly confirmed, "Yeah, he did."

I shook my head, grief over whelming me. That last thing I remembered before I passed out was Bella's soft hand squeezing onto my own.

* * *

For the next three days Carlisle didn't let anyone come and see me, he said that I was already on edge with my distress level and didn't want to push me.

On day four, after eating the first thing I can remember having since being here, he decided I was stable enough for a little social time.

He asked, "Do you want to see Edward and Alice? They're in the waiting room." I nodded quietly and he went to retrieve them. Alice bolted through the door and practically attacked me as she hugged me; mindful of the two broken ribs of course.

"Oh Jasper!! My god, Jazzy, I was so terrified for you! You were on the news being carried out on a stretcher and-"

I held up my hand to cut her off. I didn't want to hear this. I didn't even want to think about it.

Edward climbed onto the bed with me and frowned, "Didn't you promise me you'd stay safe?" I tried to laugh, but I felt my eyes start to silently stream instead.

I shook my head and looked at the ceiling.

The agony in my voice was thick, "I let her die, Edward. I knew he was going to hurt her. I'm a horrible son, I let her _die!_ I couldn't even stand up!"

Alice set her hand on my chest, "There was nothing you could have done."

I argued, "But I could have tr-"

Suddenly furious, Edward interrupted me.

"Jasper, don't be such a fucking idiot! You almost _died_, Jasper, died!! You had head trauma, two broken ribs! You have 22 stitches across your knee, and you were on oxygen for two days. Damn it, you needed _three_ blood transfusions because you had lost so much."

His rage fizzled and he was suddenly very gentle.

"There's nothing we can say to make up for what you've lost. Nobody is asking you to be okay with this yet, but there was _nothing_ you could have done. You were barely clinging to your own life. Can't you just shut up and be happy you're even alive?"

I winced at him. I knew he was right of course, extremely right, but hearing it all at one time; from _him_; was too much for me to handle. I wished I was dead, it was my entire fault. My mom was dead because of me!

I felt my heart start to race and, my throat tightened as I fought back tears. My mother was gone forever, and now my own brother was yelling at me! He wasn't even trying to understand! The monitor I was attached to started to screech and I lashed out, shoving Edward away from me.

I snapped, "Get out! Get the hell _out_!"

I slammed my fist down on the red HELP button on my little clicky thing.

Alice's eyes were watering and she squeaked, "Calm down!" I grabbed the desk calendar and whipped it at her, hot tears burning my eyes.

I roared, "Get out!"

Edward grabbed Alice and whisked her into the hallway. Carlisle and a young nurse came flying in. The nurse tried to put a needle of something clear into my IV; it was a sedative.

I snarled at her, "Don't you dare out that in there!"

I lurched forward to snatch it from her, but Carlisle grabbed my wrists in an iron grip and roughly shoved me back against the bed.

His eyes were calm, but his voice was thoroughly scolding when he spoke, "Jasper calm down, we're not trying to hurt you."

She quickly injected the liquid.

I started to thrash and tried to kick her, screeching, "You stupid whore!"

She ran out of the room, and suddenly furious, Carlisle shouted, "Jasper, knock it the hell off!"

I flinched at his harsh tone and instantly fell tense and motionless. If he hadn't still been holding my wrists, I am sure I would have covered my face. I felt fresh tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

His stony expression flickered to horror, then repentance, when he realized what he had done.

He relaxed his restraining hold on me and whispered, "I'm sorry Jasper, I shouldn't have done that."

I closed my eyes and ignored him, unable to conceal my racing heart because of the damned machine.

Once I had eventually calmed down he asked, "What happened?"

I bitterly answered, "Edward."

I was getting very sleepy very fast, but my anger had not dimmed.

I managed to coherently say, "Alice can come back, but I don't want to see him again." My head started to swim heavily as I was pulled into a drug-induce sleep.


	12. The Unknown

Nightmares.

I heard myself crying, I heard mom screaming. I heard the gunshot; saw myself looking down at her bloody, lifeless body.

I saw myself staring down the same barrel, asking my father to kill me. Just as he pulled the trigger I woke up, and I could hear my wails echoing in the room.

A familiar voice stopped me. "Shh, Jasper, your alright."

I felt her warm hand on my face and I opened my eyes, finding Bella through the mental fog that was blinding me. My head hurt a lot and my face was wet with tears.

She pulled me up, holding me in her safe arms until the terror of the dream had ebbed away. She let me sit there for as long as I needed, silent and supportive.

When I had calmed down I leaned back and she asked, "Are you okay?"

I shrugged miserably. What's counted as okay anymore?

She asked hesitantly, "So… what happened yesterday?"

I counter-asked. "How did you find out?"

She nestled into my arms and admitted, "Alice. You scared the hell out of her, and she has a nasty bruise on her shoulder from that calendar, too."

I had thrown something at one of my two best friends. I had lashed out at her in my anger. I was becoming a monster, become my father.

The very idea made me want to throw up.

I tried to joke it off, "Scared the hell out, huh? Maybe she won't complain about church this Sunday."

Neither of us laughed.

Bella wrapped her arms around me and said very quietly, "You hurt Edward."

I wanted to say I didn't care, because he doesn't either, but we would both know what a lie that is.

Instead, I whispered, "How?"

She sighed, "He's been with you every single day. Those days we weren't allowed to come see you, he sat outside of the room for Carlisle's _entire_ shift just to stay updated. Yesterday when Carlisle said he couldn't come back, he got very upset and started crying."

_Great_!

I hurt my two best friends.

I'm such an idiot.

Only to make myself feel better I mumbled, "It's not my fault he's such a baby."

Bella glared at me, her brown eyes sparkling with fury. "Don't you _dare_ say that, Jasper Whitlock! He's more of a family to you then when you really had family. He loves you, and you just tossed him aside."

I wailed, "What about me, Bella? Don't any of you care about me? Or more important, how about my mom? Nobody's even asked me about how I feel, not one of you. You guys don't understand!"

Bella hasn't seen her mom since she was four, and Edward's left when he was just two. They _can't_ possibly get what it's like to loose the one thing you did so much to protect. The one family I had to love.

Bella cupped her hands on my face and demanded, "Help me understand, Jasper. Tell me what's on your mind."

I swallowed and whispered, "It's my fault she died. She was trying to protect me. It's my fault he's been hurting her for all these years."

Bella gently pointed out, "You said he's never hit her before."

I shook my head impatiently, "He didn't, but she drank herself half to death because of all the things dad was doing. _He_ didn't start drinking until I got arrested for the first time. I was eleven, and I stole some kids shoes and set them on fire, just for fun."

I was a pretty stupid kid…

She asked me warily, "Then what happened?" I could see it in my mind, foggy with age but the memory was still there.

It always will be. "He was _so_ upset. He told me to sit on the couch, not to move. I heard them fighting in the kitchen. He was drinking, he said such mean things."

I felt my grip on her tighten, but she didn't seem to mind. This was the first time I have ever talked about this, and the farther I got the more I could remember. Like one of those dreams you have over and over again, until every detail is clear as crystal.

"He came into the living room, still holding his bottle. I thought it was water at first, it was almost empty. He grabbed my hair and pulled me off the couch, shoving me against the wall. He raised the bottle to his lips and downed the rest, then tossed it onto the floor. He looked at me and snorted, 'Going delinquent on me, Jasper? Not if I have anything to say about it.' Then he…"

I trailed off when I saw the fear in her eyes.

I spared her, "It wasn't really that bad, actually. Nothing like recently, just a few bruises. But I had never been so scared in all of my life. Around the time I started getting into all the fights, he lost his job. That's when the drugs started. It killed mom to see the man she loves like that and hurting her only son."

She set her head against my neck and I rested my chin on top of it.

She was very emotional when she spoke, "Oh Jasper, you don't know that. Nobody knows why people become alcoholics, or drug abusers. And now that Richard is dead, we'll _never_ know. Dad sees this all the time, parents drinking themselves to death and taking their frustrations out of the kids: the easiest target. No matter what you think, you have to believe that this _isn't __your__ fault!_"

I wanted to trust her, I needed to believe that.

In a way, I knew it was true, and that she was totally right. But I also knew, deep down, that it will be some time before I can come to accept that.

I pressed my nose into her hair and breathed, "I love you, Isabella Swan."

I don't know where the sudden confession came from, but I could feel it to my very bones. Bella was my angel; she was my whole life now. She looked up at me and smiled, her beautiful brown eyes dancing. She looked so _pure_.

"I love you too, Jasper, more then the world."

I bent my head down and pressed my lips against hers. She pushed harder into me, opening her mouth just a little. I would have gratefully returned her fervor, but someone had entered the room and cleared their throat for attention.

Bella pulled away from me, blushing a deep scarlet when she saw it was Carlisle.

I asked, maybe too eagerly, "Time for pills already?"

He answered simply, "Someone pressed the nurse button, and they are all afraid to come into this room."

Bella lifted her hand sheepishly off of the red HELP button, turning from scarlet to crimson in her embarrassment.

"Sorry!"

Carlisle smiled, "It's okay. Your father called, he's waiting for you in the car."

She pecked my cheek, "I'll be back as soon as I can."

Hopping off of the bed she left the room, and I was left alone with Carlisle Cullen.

Just looking at Carlisle flooded me with regret and guilt. Edward looked too much like had dad…

Carlisle asked, "Do you _need_ a pain pill already, Jasper?" I nodded a little, I hurt really badly.

He started to leave and I panicked, "Wait!"

This might be my only chance. He turned back around and patiently looked at me.

I played with the sheet between my fingers and asked, "What happens next?"

I had no family, I have nowhere to go! Would I become a foster kid? Group home? Could he or Esme adopt me, _if_ they were willing to? I would be 16 in a few days, but I can't just live on my own.

The idea of not knowing where the next two years of my life were headed terrified me.

He pursed his lips, and after a few seconds of silence admitted, "I don't know, Jasper. I just _don't_ know. Your caseworker has talked to everyone, but she doesn't know what happens next either. I've contacted a lawyer for you, though. As soon as you're well, you're going to talk to a judge and see what happens from there."

I frowned and set my head back on the pillow, glaring at the ceiling. At least with dad I had known what was coming at me.

Now I had no idea, and I felt very, very, small.

* * *

**OMG, you guys... If 30 of the 54 people who have this on their alert list post a review, I'll have 100 reviews! :O**

**Woah, lol. I just had to mention that, sorry. xD!**


	13. Family

**Notice: This is going to **_**seem **_**like the end, but it is **_**not**_**. :) It time skips a lot, but that's only to set up Part 2 of the plot. Anyway, I GOT 12 REVIEWS! lol. To the chapter, now.**

* * *

Five days later I was discharged from the hospital.

Seven hours after that I was put into a group home on a trial run, to see how I fit in with the other kids.

Want to know _how_ that went?

My very first day there a 13 year old started messing with me, testing my boundaries. They weren't very far, because I hit him so hard I almost broke his jaw. If one of the seventeen-year-old boys hadn't stopped me, I would have hit him a second time to accomplish just that.

On my eighth day there, someone my age threw a rock at me and made fun of me for crying in my sleep.

I didn't even know that was possible, but as I have been waking up each morning with a wet face, I knew it was. I must sleep talk, too, because he said I was murderer.

Want to know how _that_ turned out?

I beat that little bitch into jelly on the blacktop.

The man who runs the group home couldn't handle me, he said I was too wild and kicked me out. I lasted eight day, which was longer then any of us had expected.

Four hours later, I was in the courtroom again.

For my 'display of violent brutality' I had to go to a juvenile detention center for a month. It passed quickly. The day I got out, I got great news.

Apparently, Carlisle had been putting up one hell of a fight for me against the state. Fran asked if I wanted to live with him: if I wanted him to adopt me.

I think I could have passed out from joy.

I think I almost did!

I signed the papers, and then it was official.

I was the son of Carlisle Cullen.

I was the brother of Edward and Emmett Cullen.

Pulling the courthouse door open I raced down the stairs and jumped on top of Edward, knocking us both over.

He smiled at me, "I _knew_ you'd say yes! I just knew it, didn't I Emmett?"

Emmett rolled his eyes, "Well, duh, you think he likes adding onto his police record?"

I glared at him defensively, "That's not my fault! Do you know what they were saying to me?"

Emmett's eyes softened, "I can imagine it wasn't anything nice." I shook my head sullenly, a fresh pain stabbing me.

I whispered, "They said I was a murderer."

Carlisle's gentle voice yanked me away from those thoughts.

"That's all behind you now, Jasper. This is a chance for you to start over, we're moving to Wisconsin."

I felt all the feeling in my body numb.

No more Alice, no more _Bella_?

Edward laughed at my horror, "Don't look so strangled. He wasn't finished!" I glanced hopefully at Carlisle.

Looking something close to giddy he announced, "Esme and I are getting married!"

I grinned, "That's great!"

It was going to be odd for Edward and Alice, but not too strange. I've heard of weirder for sure.

Emmett added, "Rose is moving with us."

I promised myself I would make it work with Bella and me. I stood up and pulled Edward to his feet.

"Are we going… home?"

I had a home now! Not a house of horrors, a real _home_.

With a family, with people that loved me.

I felt that nice fuzzy feeling returning to me. Carlisle wrapped him arm around my shoulders, and even though I tensed up; I didn't flinch or anything.

Progress, I guess.

He smiled at me and his eyes shined, "Yes, we can go home now, Jasper."

* * *

Three weeks later, it was time to move. I had spent every possible second with Bella, and that includes these last few I will have in this stupid town. She wrapped her arms around me, kissing my neck. She was making with very difficult!

I sighed, "Bella, I have to go now. I'll call you every day, and email you once a week, and you can visit during spring break. Summer, winter, it doesn't matter."

She sighed and nodded, "Your right… Tell me about Wisconsin once you get there! What town are you moving to?"

I had to think for a second before I recalled. "Kenosha. I'll be just across the lake!"

She frowned and ran her hands down my back, resting them half way.

"But that's _so_ far."

Edward honked Emmett's horn. I kissed her one last time, making it fiery and passionate, worth her while!

A few second later I sighed, "Goodbye, Bella."

She waved to me as I sprinted away, and climbed into Emmett's truck. I watched her figure disappear, and looked out the window even after it was gone.

Emmett tried to joke; "Staring won't bring her with us."

I narrowed my eyes and growled, "Fuck off, Emmett. Nobody asked you."

The anger seething off of me warned him to keep silent. I missed her already!

Rosalie gently pointed out, "She'll wait for you, Jazz, don't worry. You have everything you need now, just focus on your future."

My future…

Any future with Bella was a good one, a _perfect_ one.

I smiled a little bit and settled into the seat of the car comfortably, thinking about pleasant things of what was to come now that I was free.

Now that I had something to look forward to, and someone to love me.


	14. Dark Place

**All right, peepsicles, this is part Two of the story! It's a year later, and here are the ages of our important characters. Jasper is 17; Bella, Edward, and Alice are 16. Anyway…**

* * *

We've lived in this town for about a year now. Carlisle works at Froedert hospital in Milwaukee, an hour and a half drive from our house. It pays a ton, and he's pretty high ranking, so I guess it's worth the trip.

Because there's a ton of houses being sold and apartments being built, Esme isn't home all the time either.

Emmett and Rosalie are both in engineering school; they graduate in a couple of months.

Anyway, Carlisle's half-sister Tanya home schools Edward, Alice, and me.

I think she's a little bit shifty, myself. She's nice, and a good teacher, but she's _weird_. She stares at you with such intensity when she's talking to you, it creeps me out.

Edward says she's just overly attentive.

Whatever she is, I don't like it.

So anyway, we were sitting at the kitchen table, listening to the cold October rain pour outside, when Tanya swiftly entered the room.

Setting her leather bag down she smiled, "Sorry I'm late, traffic is slow. Jasper, would you please begin?"

I opened my Economics book up to chapter seven and read, "When Adam Smith published 'An Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations; in 1776, the average factory was small and business competitive."

The front door slammed and I flinched. It's been almost a year since, _that night_, but it is still very soon for me.

I am easily startled like a deer, and cautious around everyone.

The therapist (yeah, can you believe they made me go talk to one?) says it's very normal.

There was a thump in the living room and Carlisle furiously snarled, "God damn it all!"

Edward's mouth fell open and Alice shifted a little closer to him. Carlisle _swearing_?

Tanya cleared her throat, "Please continue."

I glanced at the book and got a whole word out, "Lassie-faire-"

A furious summons rang through the house and interrupted me.

"Alice, Jasper, get in here _now_!" I clutched the edge of my book and whimpered, trying to control my breathing.

Alice took my hand gently, "It's okay Jazz, come on." I swallowed hard but allowed her to tug me into the living room.

Carlisle looked like he had a bad day. His hair was all over and his clothes were disheveled.

He crammed his phone into his pocket and glared at us, announcing, "I just got a text message from Mrs. Foster, down the road."

Alice's hand tightened around mine, we were in big trouble…

He continued, "She says she chased the two of you off of her property at three this morning."

Alice tried weakly to defend us, "Among other people!"

Carlisle furrowed his brow furiously and she shrank closer to me.

He roared, "You two are almost adults now! You know better then this! It's absolutely unacceptable, breaking your curfew so dramatically. _Four hours?_ If a cop had driven by, you'd have both been arrested!"

Emmett, who was sitting on the couch, tried to be sympathetic. "Give them a break, dad, it's the first time."

Carlisle glared at him, "Stay out of this. You two,"

His eyes darted back to us, "Are in serious trouble. Get back to your lessons, I am going to go speak with Esme."

He stomped up the stairs and I growled, "Fuck."

I jumped when he shouted, "I heard that!" My face grew hot with embarrassment and Alice looked absolutely terrified.

She never, _ever_, has been punished for something before.

I gave her a quick hug, "Don't worry, we'll be okay." We returned to the kitchen, Edward glanced at us with wide eyes.

Tanya pretended we had never been disturbed, "Edward, why don't you read?"

Edward turned to the right page and started where I had left off. I could barely pay attention; my mind was rightfully busy wondering what was being talked about upstairs.

* * *

When Tanya left for the day, Alice and I sat on the couch with Emmett. Edward was in the armchair to the left of us.

Emmett was telling us exaggerated horror stories about his past punishments for various things.

I was only slightly worried, but Alice was petrified.

Emmett mentioned 'the belt' and I winced. To everyone's shock, Alice began bawling.

Edward raged, "Don't do that, Emmett! God, is terrorizing them all you have to do to amuse yourself? Why don't you just go call Rosalie?"

Edward's harsh words were dripping with angry venom.

Emmett frowned, "Don't cry Alice, I was only messing around. I'm sure he's not going to whip you." Hearing him say it like that turned her soft tears into a panicked wail.

She fretted, "I've never been- I didn't look at a clock- We weren't drinking!" Her cries alerted Carlisle and Esme, who both hurried down the stairs and into the room. Esme sat beside Alice and pulled her into a hug, petting her hair.

She soothed, "Ssh, baby, what's the matter?"

She sobbed, "E-Emmett said t-that Carlisle was going t-to…" She blushed a fierce shade of red and hid her face in her mother's shoulder.

Carlisle looked innocently confused. Edward whispered something to him and he snapped his head to the side.

"Emmett Daniel Cullen, _why_ would you say that?"

Emmett frowned, "I was only having a little fun! Hey now..." He stood up from the couch when Carlisle took a threatening step towards him.

Ducking his head in embarrassment he decided, "I think I'll go call Rose."

He quickly fled the room.

Carlisle shouted after him, "We'll discuss this later!"

When Alice had been calmed down, Carlisle smiled at her and gently assured, "Honey, I would never hurt you." Clinging to her mom's arm she sniffled and nodded slowly.

Serious again, he firmly added, "But you both _are_ grounded for the next three weeks. That means you will do your homework, and stay in your rooms. _Nothing_ else."

Nothing…

A wave of panic washed over me, and I asked, "What about Bella?"

Could I still call her, or email her, or… anything?

Carlisle shook his head sadly, "I'm sorry Jasper, you should have thought about that. There are consequences to every poor action."

I felt my mouth fall open in slight horror.

_No!_

Bella is my escape from reality, my safe haven! She is always there when I need to talk, like if I had a nightmare. No matter how early or late I woke her up; she always answers her phone and lets me confide my fears into her.

She brings up my spirits when I am feeling depressed.

She's my _angel_.

I felt my eyes starting to water and I whimpered, "But I have to talk to her!"

Displeased, Carlisle frowned, "Don't argue, Jasper. It's not that long of a time."

My heart started to race and I felt myself drawing away from him, into the shadows of my mind.

He didn't understand, I tried to help him. "But I need to!"

I was extremely surprised when I got a sharp and angry reply, "Jasper, I said NO!"

I flinched, keeping my eyes hold as I held my breath.

Dark place.

I waited for him to hit me, or start yelling at me. I don't respond to his strictness like Edward and Emmett do.

They see it as authority, which it is, but _I_ see it as a threat.

I am more fragile then even Alice, and even after eleven months Carlisle doesn't seem to grasp that reality.

Edward quietly tried to help me out of my tense state. "Jazz, you okay?" I frowned and curled into a ball, bringing my knees up to my chest and burying my face in them.

Holding myself into a protective shell I attempted to answer, "I'm sorry. I just- she just… Never mind. _I'm sorry!_"

Esme scolded her husband angrily, "Carlisle, you promised you could handle this."

I heard guilt and shame in his voice, "I wasn't thinking."

Esme shifted on the couch and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into a hug. She was warm and smelt faintly of lavender, which reminded me of Bella and only distressed me even more.

She rubbed my arm, "It's alright Jasper, he's not angry at you."

That was a lie, he was and we all knew it.

"Yes he is."

It was okay to be angry, of course, and I knew it, I just don't react well to it.

After a small sigh she admitted, "Okay, he is, but that doesn't make any difference. Your safe with us Jasper, you know he's never going to hurt you."

I felt my heart slow down to normal speed and I peeked over my arm, ready to flinch away from an oncoming attack.

However, it didn't come.

Edward was glaring furiously at his father, who gazing at me, eyes shining with a deep sorrow.

I suddenly felt very embarrassed with myself, hurt even.

I _know_ that I am safe here, and that Carlisle loves me like one of his own sons. I am just hurting him because I am too big of an idiot to let myself trust him.

I looked down and whispered, "I'd like to go to my room now."

I avoided looking at them as I shuffled over to the stairs and up to my room. I shut the door and grabbed my Zen, not caring right now if I was allowed or now.

The first song was 'Within Temptation: Memories.' I don't know why I insisted on torturing myself like this, forcing the lyrics to bring back such horrible images and emotions.

Maybe some deeply buried part of me thinks that if I face my past, it would stop doing this to me. It will all just go away.


	15. My Everything

***SQUEE* Thanks for over 100 reviews, you guys!!**

* * *

I looked out the window, staring at the beach, the edge of Lake Michigan. The water was muddy and fierce as the rain and wind battered it. The view here on Carol Beach was simply amazing, even on stormy days.

At least I'll have something to look at for the next three weeks besides a wall.

I sighed bitterly, almost an entire month without hearing Bella's voice! Telling me her fears, listening to her troubles, talking about mine. It seems impossible.

The song changed to something, but my ears were no longer listening to the buzzing in my head of my head.

Would it be too much to let me call her once a week, for just an hour?

A _half_ an hour?

I thought about the sharpness of Carlisle's earlier reply and flinched, trying to forget. I turned the music off and set the player on the nightstand, lying across the bed.

I could email her at the library, but we only go every now and then. Maybe I _would_ just have to learn how to handle myself alone.

Bella has been my crutch for too long. It's about time I take a few steps on my own.

A little bit optimistic, I was suddenly desperate to know if Carlisle was still upset with me.

I didn't mean to be disrespectful, or to talk back to him, but I _did_.

Damn it.

What do I do now? Pretend it never happened and stay in my room like I am supposed to, or go and talk to him about it? Hm…

I wandered down the hall and stepped into the doorway of his office. Emmett and him were glaring daggers at one another; I must have missed fun conversation.

Carlisle tore his attention away from his eldest son and smiled, "Hello Jasper! Do you need something?"

I felt all of my previous confidence drain away. "I.. um…"

_I look like an idiot…_

Emmett was staring at me and I blushed, ducking my head.

"N-never mind."

Before they could ask anything I fled down the hallway and sighed, hitting my forehead against the door to Edward's room.

I'm such an idiot. Why the hell didn't I just talk to him? Damn it.

I lifted an arm to knock on Edward's door, but he had already been alerted, and opened it.

He smiled gently at me, "Hey."

I shuffled my foot and asked, "Can we talk or something?"

I was tugged into the room and he shut the door behind us.

We sat down on his bed and I frowned, "Do you think he hates me now?"

Edward started laughing and I glared at him. This isn't funny! I was serious! I've already had one man in my life wish I wasn't here, I didn't want another.

My glower calmed him down and he promised me, "Dad doesn't hate _anything_, especially not us. He's been rather short of temper lately; I think this new job is stressing him out."

My 'dark place' has been an unwanted friend quite frequently this past year. Every _other_ time I flinched away from (or even cowered once or twice) Carlisle he always came to talk to me about it. I liked talking to him, but this time he didn't.

I asked quietly, "Are you sure he's not mad?"

Edward was silent and thoughtful for a second before flopping onto his back.

He sighed, "Jasper, you don't have to worry about this as much as you do, really. There's no reason to be afraid of him- or afraid of upsetting him. I know that your still not used to it, but he's not going to like… attack you or whatever if he is mad. You're over thinking everything again."

I lay down next him and turned my head, meeting his eyes. He was right… Well, he usually was. But he doesn't get it. It's not _my_ choice to be so cautious and over-evaluate every single situation.

It's kind of hardwired into me after this long.

I didn't want to talk about Carlisle anymore. So I changed the topic.

"I hope Alice doesn't kill me for this later. She wanted to leave at ten yesterday, but I asked her to stay another half hour, and then we both lost track of the time."

Edward smirked, "I'm sure she won't kill you, if you hide for a few days."

We both started to laugh.

Alice is, when she wants to be, four feet and five inches of menacing. In my lifetime I have been on the receiving end of her wrath plenty of times, and I am not ashamed to admit she is a scary girl sometimes.

I sighed, playfully dramatic, "Well I'm not apologizing, she'll be lying if she says she didn't have a good time."

Edward asked me, "So.. uh… Are you going to be okay not calling Bella? Because if you really need to I'm sure I can distract dad long enough every couple of days so you can talk to her."

I smiled at him, "Thanks, but don't get yourself into trouble over me."

He tried to cheer me up, "It is just three weeks, anyway. You went fifteen years without knowing her, this should be nothing!"

Fifteen years without knowing her.

My light, my angel.

The one thing that keeps me centered and determined to fight away from the shadows of my past that try to swallow me.

She is my reason for fighting onward in this world. Three weeks is going to be hell, really.

Life before Bella was no life worth living.

After _he_ killed my mom, when I was falling apart and unable to help myself, Bella became my glue.

She is my everything, and Edward knows it.

He just doesn't want to see me moping and sulking like an emo kid anymore.

I sighed and answered him flatly, "Yeah, should be nothing at all."


	16. Just Talking

Five days have passed.

I've survived five days of loneliness.

I was sitting on the bed, staring at the ceiling, when my door opened. I watched Alice dance over to me and plop down beside me.

"Hi!"

I was surprised she was here. Edward was right when he said I should hide from her for a few days, she was ready to claw my eyes out for getting her into trouble. Alice _loves_ being the perfect little image of a daughter.

Anyway, she hasn't talked to me in this almost-week. When she wants to hold a grudge, she can!

I accepted her friendliness with open arms, "Hey, what's up?"

She shrugged, "I'm bored. Edward's grocery shopping with mom, Emmett is asleep on the couch. I came up to see what you were doing."

I sighed, what _have_ I been doing?

Thinking, wallowing, sulking.

Mostly wallowing, though.

She was extremely perceptive and she picked up on my sullen silence, and what it meant.

Her hand gently stroked my hair and she asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Did I?

No, not really.

I sat up so I could look at her better, "There isn't anything to talk about."

My tone was a little clipped. I had been thinking about the days before _he_ got mean. The happy days, the ones I would give anything to have back.

_Anything_.

I had been thinking about what it would be like right now, if I did live in that world.

Would my mother have ever met Bella?

Would _he_ have been happy to see me with someone as wonderful, and sweet, and perfect as Bella is?

I'll never know.

I never _would_ know, either, because happy worlds like that don't exist. I'm not complaining about my current life, mind you. I'm more grateful then many can imagine for what Carlisle has done for me, but if given the choice, I would never want to have to live with someone else's family because mine was dysfunctional.

Alice crossed her legs and watched me with wide eyes.

She asked suddenly, "Why are you always so depressed?"

I couldn't help but just gawk at her for a second before I asked, incredulous, "Honestly, do you want an answer to that?"

Alice sighed with impatience, "I _know_ why, of course. I just mean…."

She hesitated before gently finishing, "Why don't you just let it go? I did."

I was surprised to hear her say that.

I asked, "You mean, you remember your dad?" She had been eight when one of the neighbors finally called the cops on his and got him arrested.

That was a long time ago.

Alice frowned sadly, "I remember enough of him to hate him sometimes. I still dream about it, you know. Him hurting mom right in front of me. Him hurting _me_."

I shared in her pain, "I have the nightmares, too."

She knew that already, of course. Sometimes I wake up screaming, sometimes I'm crying so hard I can barely breathe. Somebody always comes and sits with me, usually Esme or Edward because their rooms are just down the hallway. But sometimes it's Alice.

I asked suddenly, "How do you deal with it?"

I must have looked morbidly eager to hear her answer. Any tips I could get to banish my dark place from existence would be greatly appreciated.

Besides, anyone who can remember such bad things and still be as perky as she is has _got_ to have a few secrets.

Alice cast her eyes down, looking- for once- as small as she was.

She sighed, "Sometimes it's really hard, almost too hard. There are plenty of times I wish he were alive just so _I_ could kill him. You see we have quite the opposite background. You were getting hurt to protect your mom. Well, I was really little, Jasper, so mom would get in between dad and me. I used to hide behind the couch because he couldn't reach me there. I could still see it through. I could see him hitting her, I could hear her crying. I didn't understand until I was older that he was just doing it, I always used to blame myself. Think it was something _I_ did to make him mad."

Her eyes were distant as she gazed out the window, reliving in whatever horrible memory had sprung to mind. I suddenly understood her a lot better. Why she tried to hard to make everyone happy, why she hated it when you were mad at her.

She's never talked about this before, because honestly she's never given the chance to let me ask.

Maybe she hasn't been ready to think about it until now.

I ventured, "How bad did you hurt you guys before he stopped?"

We were both wide eyed right now. My dad… he never cared how far he went. His arm would get tired, or he'd get bored, and he'd just leave.

Alice frowned, "Your dad was always drunk when he did it, right?"

I nodded, she continued, "Mine wasn't- ever. He didn't like alcohol. He was just really mean. There was only this one time that he hurt me _really_ bad. There was a lot of blood, I don't like to talk about that."

His voice had quivered into an unsteady whisper.

I scooted closer and hugged her, "You don't have to say anything you don't want to."

She pressed her cheek against my chest and we sat silently for a while.

With a sudden surge of energy she remembered why she had started talking, "Oh, right, coping methods!"

She lifted her head to look up at me and smiled a little, "You have to let it all out. Don't be afraid to talk to someone, I tell Edward things. I have mom for things I don't want Edward to know about. And definitely don't be afraid to cry, it's always okay to cry."

I laughed ruefully, "Yeah, I knew that already."

Not like I could stop myself when I did start. I always end up blubbering like a little kid.

Alice patted my arm and asked, "So, how are you holding up? I can go get the phone if you want, Emmett will never know."

It made me oddly emotional to know that both she and Edward were willing to help me get a-hold of Bella.

I shook my head and asserted, "It's fine, really."

After a long second of silence she grinned, "Come on, let's go make some cookies."

* * *

**Sorry the update took twice as long as usual. I've been having some inspiration-block for this fic. If you guys have anything you want to see happen, don't be shy! Tell me in a review or PM, and I will see if I can wiggle it into the story. Anyway, as for this chapter, it isn't my favorite but I still like it. I felt Alice was being over-looked recently, so she got her own little spotlight. :P**


	17. Accident

**Over 150 reviews! AWESOME! You all get a Teary-Eyed Jasper Plushie to comfort. :)**

* * *

It's been exactly twelve days since the grounding. _Finally_, the phone rang, and it was Bella.

I answered it, "Bella?" Before I had the chance to say anymore Edward snatched the phone from me.

"No you don't, Jasper, your half way done, don't mess up."

I pouted and he started talking into the phone, "Bella? This is Edward."

After a second he started to laugh, "Of course he's not mad at you. He's just grounded."

She thinks I'm mad at her? I grabbed the phone and shoved Edward onto the couch.

Bella was hallway through a sentence, "-id he do?"

I guessed what she had asked, "I was out until like three or something with Alice. How are you? How's life, school, Charlie?"

She chuckled, "I'm fine, life is pretty boring without you, and dad says hi. Now, how long are you grounded for?"

I sighed, "Another week, or so."

She scolded, "Jasper, can't you _try_ to behave yourself?

I snorted, "Me? Behave? No, it's against my nature. You're still coming over for Christmas, right?"

She laughed, "Yes! I'd swim there if I had to.

Emmett's loud voice sounded from the kitchen, "Jasper, I _seriously_ hope you're not on that phone!"

Emmett was 'babysitting' us, and he's more responsible then we give him credit for. He's bound and determined to follow Carlisle's rules. He even resisted a pouting Alice. Trust me, that's not easy.

I warily answered, "I'm not!"

I shoved the phone at Edward, sulking.

Edward smiled, "Hold on a sec Bella. EMMETT!"

His brother sauntered into the room, covered in power sugar because of Alice and her crazy baking spree. "What?"

Edward asked innocently, "If I am talking to my good friend Bella, but I happen to be trying to finish my homework, and so I happen to need to put in on speaker phone, and my brother happens to be in the room, would it be alright for him to partake in the conversation?"

I grinned, glancing hopefully at Emmett.

He started to laugh, "No, I suppose that's fine."

Edward pressed the speaker button and tossed the phone to me. My eyes thanked him a thousand times over as I started talking to Bella.

To appease his brother, Edward occasionally added a couple of comments onto what we were talking about.

I 'happened' to be in the room every time Bella called for the next nine days.

* * *

I was dying of social starvation, but soon I was free.

Neither Bella nor me could figure out how people without friends survived.

I called her the day of me freedom and we talked on the phone for seven hours. At 4am Esme made me get off and get some sleep.

Today was Saturday, and I was bored again.

Bella was working late, Edward and Carlisle were at some bookstore, and Esme and Alice were returning from one of her dance competitions later tonight.

Rose was home for the weekend.

All I could hear was _them_ doing _things_ in Emmett's room.

It was driving me absolutely crazy!

I have a strong imagination, which makes it even worse.

Emmett would probaly, seriously, beat the hell out of me if I knocked on the door and told them to get a room.

In a _hotel_ or something.

I didn't feel like having my ass kicked, so I scribbled a note for them and left it on the coffee table.

_Emmett + Rosalie,_

_When you two are quite finished with one another, you'll find I am gone, and Rose's car not in the driveway. Well, you're forcing me out of my mind, and I hate Em's truck, so… sorry! I'm going to the library; I'll be back eventually. (Before 11 this time, haha.)_

_Jasper._

I picked up a dainty silver key connected to a glass giraffe key chain.

Emmett bought it for Rosalie when they were honeymooning in Africa last summer.

_Africa_, of all the places! Hot, muggy, full of bugs and snakes and God only knows what else.

She must love that boy much too much to actually go there for him.

Anyway, I hopped into her red convertible and pulled away, zooming down the road at 60, even though the speed limit was only 35.

That's one thing I actually love about this town, the cops don't do anything.

I drove across town to Pleasant Prairie. The south side library was twice the size of the one located on my side of town.

I nodded to the librarian as she greeted me and passed the kids section.

Snatching the nearest boot, _FDR's Folly_, I sat in one of the burnt orange, leaf patterned, chairs and began to read.

It started raining again on the way home, at nine when the library closed and they made me leave.

I was going 35 this time!

I had a bad feeling.

Half way to home a black Viper pulled up beside me. A large boy, telling by his football jacket one from the local high school Tremper, revved his engine at me.

I ignored him. Who was stupid enough to race in the rain?

When the light turned from red to green I started to drive again.

They guy sped up, then slowed down a few times. I bet he was drunk.

Idiot.

I sped up a little, only to get home faster, but he took it the wrong way.

He floored his car in an attempt to rip his way down the half-flooded road.

His tries squealed loudly as the car spun right into the front of mine. (Well, Rosalie's.)

I heard metal snapped and my vision went hazy for a few seconds as the two vehicles impacted.

That prick!

I yanked the seat belt off and kicked the door open.

I was getting his number, because _I'm_ not paying for damages!

I slammed the car's door shut and glanced at the Viper, feeling the color in my face drain.

Glass was everywhere and the kid was lying on the hood of his car.

I panicked and jumped up beside him, ignoring the pain as shattered window cut into my knees.

I asked franticly, "Are you okay?"

No reply.

I shook him a little, "Hey, guy, are you alright? Hey!!"

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed 9-1-1.

A man's voice asked, "9-1-1, what's your emergency?"

I could feel tears falling from my eyes, mingling with the pouring rain to soak my face.

I squeaked, "This kid hit my cat and I think he's dead!"

I sure wished I had taken that first aid class.

The man remained calm, "Do you know your location?"

I glanced around wildly, "Um, I'm by that middle school. The bobcats or something?"

He suggested, "The Washington Wildcats?"

That rang a bell.

I nodded, "Yeah, there."

He was quiet for a second before announcing, "Help is on the way, sir. Are you hurt, too?"

I shifted, grimacing.

"Just a few cuts, and my neck hurts a little, but_ I_ had a seatbelt on."

I bet he was doing it on purpose, but the longer we talked the less panicked I seemed to be.

He questioned, "And the other driver, can you tell where he's hurt?"

I glanced at him, squinting hard.

"His mouth his bleeding, and it looks like his leg is broken or something."

Was he breathing? I _think_ so.

The operator asked, "What's your name, sir?"

I blurted, "Jasper Whitlock."

He asked, "Do you live alone?"

I gave him Carlisle's information, then hung up the phone and waited for the ambulances to arrive.


	18. True Family

**The last chapter, we broke 10,000 hits for this story! :D**

* * *

Cops, paramedics, and news reporters all arrived very fast.

I retold my story and had my knees treated.

I watched the other kid as he was taken away in the second ambulance.

It only took a few minuets for a familiar black Mercedes to rip its way down the road, much too fast to be safe.

Almost before the car had stopped Carlisle jumped out of it.

I couldn't describe my joy.

I was semi-petrified and wanted nothing more then a familiar face right now.

He ran over to me and almost broke me in an iron hug before I could even stand up.

He fretted, "Oh my God, Jasper! They called and said there was an accident, I was so worried about you."

I felt his tears falling into my hair as I rested my cheek against his chest.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, feeling incredibly safe in his arms.

I shakily assured, "I'm fine, dad, just a few cuts."

It took a second to sink in, and then I blinked in confusion.

I glanced up at him and stammered, "I m-mean Ca-Carlisle."

He gazed down at me fondly, his tears eyes shining.

He pulled me close to him again. "You can call me anything you want. I'm just glad you're alive."

I saw Rose's car, being stripped of personal belongings so it could be towed away, and frowned.

"I won't be for long."

He glanced behind him and chuckled, "I'll buy her another one. Let's go home."

He made me put on his jacket and went to talk to the medic to see if I was allowed to leave. I was, and we got into the car.

He started for home, and we couldn't have been going faster then 15 miles per hour.

After what just happened I might not have complained, except the silence between us was so awkward and tense… I actually wished he were yelling at me. At least _something_ would have been said.

After a while he started to speak, sounding quite emotional, "You know Jasper, I love you as if you were a son of mine. If you'd like to call me dad, you can."

I watched the window wipers for a long time, considering it.

I had a dad.

He had been a horrible person for five years of my life, and I had hated him.

He killed my mother.

He hurt me in so many ways.

But there had been eleven years where he was great.

A super dad, a man I looked up to.

He had been my hero once.

Carlisle was great.

Gentle, and trying very hard to understand my sensitive needs.

Trying to help me through a difficult time in my life.

He _loved_ me.

It had come out of my mouth so easily today.

He is a wonderful person that I owed my entire life to.

A deep part of me will never forget Richard Whitlock; never let go of what he was _before_ he became a monster. Before I stopped loving him.

But more of me will never be able to forget that monster.

If I ever do, somehow, all I need to do is look ay my back in a mirror.

They scars staring back at me, forever imprinted upon my skin, will make me remember _that_ half of my father.

My silence must have worried Carlisle because he suddenly said, "I'm not trying to be a replacement, of course."

I smiled, "I know. Dad."

I was both surprised, and pleased, to see his face light up. We sat in a comfortable silence the rest of the way home.

When I walked into the house Rosalie mugged me, hugging me so hard I lost my breath.

She was crying, of course.

Emmett ruffled my wet hair, "Hey, glad your okay lil' bro."

Edward glared furiously at me, crossing his arms. He looked an awful lot like Carlisle when he's angry!

I asked with genuine innocence, "What did I do wrong?"

He hissed, "You almost got hurt, again! Don't you _ever_ stay out of trouble? Geeze, even in THIS town you find a way to almost die!"

Over protective, as always.

I opened my mouth to defend myself, but Rosalie beat me to it.

"Edward Anthony," I felt my mouth fall open and I glanced at her. She was glaring Edward down with a dangerously mean look. She scolded him, "Don't you dare start with him! It wasn't his fault; he couldn't have possibly known this would happen. Just shut up and be thankful he's not hurt."

Edward was staring at her with wide eyes; he looked as stunned as I felt.

Since when was Rosalie so… nice?

She pursed her lips and ordered, "Apologize to him, you have no right to make him feel bad after what just happened."

I snapped my mouth shut and blinked in surprise.

Edward looked thoroughly embarrassed, and intimidated.

He mumbled, "I'm sorry, Jasper. I was just scared, I thought I had lost you _again_."

I hesitated, but felt that I was now required to say something back.

I managed, "Okay, I guess?"

I glanced at Rosalie, slightly afraid that she didn't approve.

However, she looked rather pleased.

Laughing, Carlisle stepped in, "Alright everyone, I think it's time for bed."

I had no complaints as I trudged up the stairs, changed into some dry pajamas, and collapsed under my covers.


	19. Big Steps

Christmas break came quickly.

Trusting us, as we weren't kids anymore, Carlisle and Esme flew to Jamaica for Carlisle's vacation time from the hospital.

Em and Rose were moved into a small apartment near her college, but Rose assured us they'd come down if we needed them.

Best of all?

Bella arrived yesterday!

I was lying on the couch with her sleeping on my chest.

She stirred around 5:30am, and opened her eyes a few seconds later.

Lifting her head to look at me she smiled, "Hey."

I kissed her nose, "Hey, baby. Sleep well?"

I wiggled forward a little, sitting up while she still lay against my chest.

She cuddled closer to me and sighed, "Very well."

My heart began to race. I had a plan.

With her ear on my sternum, it didn't take her long to realize my irregular beating.

She ran her hand under my shirt, across my bare chest. Her fingers gently traced a few scars.

She asked dreamily, "What's wrong, Jazz?"

I cleared my throat and tried to sound normal, "I have a present for you."

She smirked up at me, her brown eyes sparkling.

"It's only the 17th, Santa won't be happy if you don't wait."

She giggled, I didn't.

I asked hopefully, "Please? I'm sure he'd understand, just this once?"

She realized I was serious and sat up, blushing a bit, "Um, okay? Where is it?"

I knew I should be nervous, but I really wasn't. This felt right.

I lit the fire in the fireplace and dawdled until it was large and crackling.

I picked up a small golden box from under the tree and clasped it in between my hands. Returning to her, I held her gaze, an intensity starting to build between us.

"I love you."

She smiled and kissed me, "I love you, too."

I took a deep breath and nodded once. "I know you do. We love each other. I know that _I_ want to spend the rest of my life with you. I promise that I will always protect you and I will always be here for you, no matter what. I will never hurt you, Bella. But I need to know that you'll do that for me, too."

She looked slightly hurt.

Wrapping her arms around my shoulders she pulled me close to her, kissing my neck.

She whispered passionately, "Of course I will, Jasper, don't you already know that? For as long as I live, I will love only you."

I swallowed back my fear and pulled away from her.

"Will you prove it?"

She leaned closer, trying to understand what was going through my head.

"How?"

I could feel my heart threatening to rip out of my chest. I lifted my arm and moved my hand, showing the golden silk box. I felt my throat tighten and I slowly pulled it open to reveal my mother's wedding ring.

It was a gorgeous white-gold band with a small, pretty diamond in the center of it.

Realization hit her and her eyes began to water.

I spoke softly, tenderly, "Isabella Marie Swan, if you truly love me like you say you do, if the want to have me for the rest of your life, then say yes. Will you marry me?"

For the longest and most agonizing second oh my whole life, we just looked into each other's eyes.

I was afraid she would say no.

Would I survive that?

I was already cracked, could I be fixed if she broke me?

A small smile crossed her face, and I felt a surge of such hope and joy flare threw me.

She flung herself into my arms, breaking into sobs.

"Yes! I will, Jasper. One day. Until then, know that I will always be yours and only yours."

I cradled her in my arms for a second before gently pushing her away, wiping her tears dry.

I sled the ring on her finger, it was the slightest bit too big, but we can fix that later.

She sprang to her feet in sudden excitement, heading to the basement where Alice's room is, to share the news.

I flailed off the couch and grabbed her hand, "Wait!"

She looked over her shoulder, "I want Alice to see! What is it?"

I blushed a little, "Well… she and Edward are… _together_ right now."

After a second she stopped tugging against me, her face igniting.

"Oh. You mean they're…?"

I nodded.

She walked back to the couch with me and asked, "They use condoms, right?"

The worry in her large eyes made me laugh. That was such a Bella question!

"They aren't stupid."

Bella snuggled against me, "Jasper, let's have sex."

I felt my mouth fall open.

What. The. Hell?

Was this _my_ Bella talking?

"Why?"

She admitted, "I feel a little left out, honestly. Rose didn't wait for her wedding, and Edward and Alice aren't. Why should we?"

I glared at her and tried to talk some sense into her.

"Isabella, this is not a competition! It's a very serious decision!"

The smile on her face faded, I was glad I had her attention.

I continued, "This is something that should be special to you. Don't do it because you're competitive. I won't let you. I'll only do this if you _really_ want to. It'll hurt a little, are you sure?"

She carefully considered it for a while, and then became very emotional and intense, "Yes, I'm sure, Jasper."


	20. Together

**Notice: This is an implied lemon up until the page break. The story **_**is**_** T rated, so nothing graphic is written, but if anyone wants to skip over it the next chapter should be up soon. :D**

* * *

I picked Bella up off the couch and carried her upstairs into my room.

I kicked the door closed and set her down on the bed, kissing her fiercely.

She started to unbutton her shirt, and I sucked on her soft neck as I attempted to get rid of my pants.

I kicked them off easily. Having no belt or shoes on helped.

Bella's warm hands ran along my back and she tugged at my shirt impatiently.

I pulled my mouth away from her so she could take it off.

With my head raised, I saw she was not wearing a shirt, just a lacy blue bra. A bra in which her full breast were almost spilling out of.

How the hell did she get that off without me noticing?

I felt the heat in my groin beginning to pulse.

Bella smiled shyly at me and wiggled out of her shorts, tossing them onto the disarray already on my floor.

I wanted to touch her.

I wrapped my arms around her back, making her shiver.

"Jasper, you're freezing!"

It _was_ December, and I _was_ almost naked!

I grinned and leaned over her, "Well, why don't you warm me up then?"

She wrapped her leg around my back, pressing her lips against mine hard, sliding her tongue into my mouth.

After a while we parted to take a breath, but were attacking one another a second alter.

She gasped between out furious kisses, "Hurry – up – Jazz."

I flinched happily as she bit my lower lip with impatience.

Feisty, isn't she?

I slid my hand behind her back and fumbled with the clasps on the bra. When they snapped apart I slid my hands down her throat and to her chest, tugging the bra off of her body.

She blushed as I raked over her body, and I kissed her hot cheeks until her embarrassment had fizzled away completely.

I asked quietly, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

She nodded and rolled off of the bed, pushing her panties over her shapely hips and down to the floor. She stepped out of them daintily and I found myself unable to tear my eyes from her beautiful body.

She climbed over to me, rolling me onto my back and kissed my chest.

Her hands ran across my shoulders, down my stomach, and she whispered, "It's been so long since I've seen you like this.

I blinked and asked, "Huh?"

She scooted down a little, planting a teasing line of kissed from my ribcage to under my navel.

Smiling, she finally answered, "Your body. Un-bruised and _healthy_. I hated seeing you all battered and purple. I like creamy white much better."

She ran her tongue quickly from my belly to the center of my chest, right above the heart. Which, might I say, was beating franticly.

I bucked under her as she did that and hissed, "Holy hell, knock it off!"

I pouted at her playfully and she smiled.

She threatned, "If you keep sticking that lip out I might have to bite it."

She giggled when my mouth fell open.

Sitting up she straddled me and, agonizingly slowly, pulled my boxers off.

I slid my knee up her inner thigh, making her gasp.

"Are you ready?"

She whimpered, "God, yes."

Flipping positions with her, I pulled my nightstand drawer open.

Tearing open a small foil I put on a condom I had swiped from Edward's room just incase.

It was a little bit small, but it wasn't in any danger of breaking.

I placed my hands on her hip and she spread her legs apart.

* * *

We lay with each other for a long time afterwards.

It was 9:30 in the morning, about four hours after she woke up down stairs.

When we heard footsteps coming up the stairs Bella ducked under the covers, only her nose and eyes visible.

Edward shouted to us. "Hey, you guys know you can come down, right? Jasper? Bella?"

He opened the door, and his eyes took in the scattered clothing. A half of a second later he had quickly yanked the door shut and now sheltered in the hallway.

He spluttered, "Oh my god, I'm _so_ sorry! I didn't know – I wouldn't have – I didn't see anything!"

Bella started giggling and I grinned. "It's fine Edward, we're covered up anyway."

After a few seconds he coughed, "Alice and I are… done. She made breakfast for everyone. Dad wants you to call him, Jasper. Bella, mom says hi."

I agreed, "I'll call him back alter. We'll be down soon."

I heard him retreating down the stairs and I rolled over to the edge of the bed.

Bella stretched, scooting over so she was sitting behind me. Her hand very gently skimmed some scratches on my back.

She asked, embarrassed, "Do they hurt?"

I grinned at her from over my shoulder and she blushed a terrible shade of red.

I leaned back and kissed her before promising, "I didn't even notice them."

I've certainly had worse then a couple of scratches.

I went over to the closet and asked, "Are you really sore?"

I hoped not.

She scoffed as she lay back down, "Hell yes I am. It was worth it though."

I tried to find some clothes for her, because her duffle bag was still in the living room.

I found a large shirt that I think was Emmett's and carried it over. "Does this work?"

She slipped it over her shoulders and buttoned it. It reached almost to her knees.

She nodded, "I'm all dressed!"

I slipped into a pair of boxers and decided, "Yeah, me too."

I laughed with her as she started to brush her hair. Mine looked like three tornado's had blown through it, but that didn't bother me at all.

She set the brush down and announced, "I'm ready."

I took her hand and led her down the stairs.


	21. News

We sat at the table and I smiled at Alice, "Yum, bacon."

She grinned at me as I started to chew on a strip, her eyes wildly excited.

It was a little creepy.

I swallowed and demanded, "What?"

She pointed out, "You hate bacon. 'It tastes like burnt pan', remember?"

I shrugged, "I like it today, all right?"

She shrugged back and snuggled against Edward, whose lap she was sitting in. She fed him some pancakes while he tried not to laugh at her for doing so.

Bella asked me, "What are we going to do today?"

I thought for a second, "I need to get Rose and Emmett Christmas presents still."

Edward snorted, "Do you have enough to replace the MS?"

I glared at him, "Carlisle said _he'd_ get her a new one!"

Bella asked curiously, "What did you do to it?"

Alice announced, "He totaled it."

Edward tried to defend me, "It isn't _totaled_ just a little crunched in the front."

Bella glared at me, "You got into an accident? Why didn't you tell me!"

I gazed at her with wide-eyed innocence, "Because you'd have been worried."

She rolled her eyes and I chuckled.

Looking nothing less then giddy Alice asked, "So how much longer until I get details, Bella?"

She reached across the table and picked up Bella's hand, gazing warmly at the ring.

Edward glanced at it stupidly, and then shot me an inquiring look.

I smiled, and so did he.

Bella gushed but tried to keep it toned down, "It's nothing, Alice. He just asked and I said yes!"

Alice glared at her, "Jasper _just asked_? Oh, please! He's a sucker for this sort of thing. You should see him cry during chick flicks."

I felt my face burning and I protested, "I do not cry!"

Edward leaned back in his chair, "You did when you watched '_A Walk To Remember'_ with Esme last week."

Alice added, "Every single time you see '_Gone With The Wind'_?"

I glared murder at then, but Bella just hugged me. "I think a sensitive man is sexy." She kissed my cheek and I blushed for a completely different reason this time.

I listened as Bella and Alice started squealing and getting ten sorts of excited over the proposal.

Alice started firing off questions nobody was ready for, "When's the wedding?"

I started chocking on my orange juice.

_What?_

Bella answered hesitantly, "I don't know."

Alice demanded, "Who's invited?"

Bella frowned, "I don't know!"

Exasperated Alice pressured, "What _do_ you know, then?"

I snapped, "Alice, leave her alone! We didn't talk about anything like that yet."

She ignored me completely and grinned, "We're going to be sisters!"

They became overly excited again and I slipped out of the room, plopping onto the couch with the phone.

I called Carlisle's cell phone and he answered, "Hello?"

I asked, "You wanted to talk to me?"

I could almost hear him smile as his voice lightened, "Oh, Jasper! I hear Bella made it, how is she?"

I grinned to myself, "She's perfect."

I heard someone mumble in the background and Carlisle announced, "Mom wants to talk to you, hold on."

There was some shuffling before Esme asked, "Are you there, Jasper?"

I rolled my eyes. What, would I have hung up or something?"

"Yeah, I'm right here. How's Jamaica?"

She babbled, "Oh, it's wonderful! The people are all very nice. It's really warm and sunny. We got everyone presents."

I smiled, "Cool. Sorry I couldn't talk earlier, I was asleep. Bella and I stayed up late."

That was a total lie. I had been too nervous to sleep at all; I watched her sleep all night, trying not to laugh every time she mumbled something random. (Which she does a lot.)

Bella has crashed early because she was tired from the long plane ride.

Esme chirped, "That's okay. Did Rose call you yet?" She sounded extremely excited.

I yelled into the kitchen, "Edward, did Rosalie call the house yet?"

He shouted back, "Not yet!"

His answer was loud enough for Esme to hear. She decided, "I won't hold up the lines, then. Bye, Jasper!" We disconnected before I could say anything back to her.

I almost had a heart attack when the phone rang in my hand. How's _that_ for coincidence?"

I answered it cheerfully, "Cullen's here."

It was Rosalie. She squealed, "Jasper? Jasper! Guess what? I'm pregnant!"

I felt my jaw fall open. She was so young!

But then again, she has been trying for the past year.

I wonder how far along she is.

I smiled, "That's really great, Rose!"

I imagined Emmett standing behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist as he smiled.

Rosalie demanded, "Let me tell Bella."

I went into the kitchen, where Bella and Alice were still talking while Edward was starting to clean up after breakfast.

I smiled, "It's for you."

She took the phone and pressed it to her ear, "Hello? Oh, hi Rose!"

I flinched, but smiled, when five seconds later her excited scream echoed across the kitchen.


	22. Turn For The Worst

The entire next day, it snowed.

The day after that, we spent five hours shoveling 17 inches of snow off of the driveway and sidewalk to the front door.

The day after _that_, yesterday, Bella and Edward got sick.

Today they were lying in my bed, whimpering a little. My room was the warmest, so that's why the both of them were planted in it. I slept in Edward's room last night.

Mother hen Alice, as we've started to affectionately call her, pranced into the room at noon with a large tray. On it were two bowls of soup, some crackers, and two glasses of ginger ale.

She announced, "Lunch is ready, guys! Jasper, yours is in the kitchen for whenever you want it."

I know she was hinting for me to get out of the room. I've been sitting in between my love and my brother for almost two whole days. I was going to get sick, too, probaly.

But she's not much better! She checks in every half an hour and has kissed Edward twice.

So, more or less, we're all in this one together.

Bella pressed her face into my hip and whined, "I'm not hungry."

She was shivering, and her forehead was burning up.

I fretted, "I think we should check their temperatures."

Alice set the tray down and nodded, disappearing to go find the thermometer.

Edward laughed the tiniest bit, "The one time dad would be useful and he's in Orcabessa hundreds of miles away."

I patted his shoulder, "You'll be fine. Alice can take care of you."

Speaking of Alice, she was back. She hit at my legs and I crossed them to give her room on my fast-filling bed space. She set her knees against mine as she sat between our friends.

She asked, "Who first?"

Edward stubbornly insisted, "I don't have a fever."

Alice smiled, "Well see about that, _after_ I check Bella."

Bella obediently opened her mouth and held the device there. Forty five seconds alter it beeped and I took it from her.

102 degrees.

I frowned and handed it to Alice, who changed the slip and forced it into Edward's mouth.

Bella asked, "Well, what is it?"

I snuggled close to her, "Not good."

She panicked whenever it was over 99, I certainly won't tell her what it is.

Edward looked at his own before Alice could snag it. He groaned when he saw 101.5 looking back at him.

Alice insisted, "You'll both be just fine if you get some food inside of you."

We helped them sit up, propped them against some pillows, then handed each their bowl.

The day went along in much the same order; just toss some aspirin into the mix.

* * *

Alice shook me awake at four the next morning.

She was crying, "Jasper, get up! I need you!"

I was instantly alert and I saw up, "What's the matter?"

Alice panicked, "Bella is throwing up blood, Edward won't stop crying and I don't know what to do anymore!"

I demanded, "Alice, calm down."

She didn't. She started gasping for air and she tried to talk, "Can't – sick – blizzard."

I don't have a clue what she was trying to say, but she was going to pass out if she didn't breathe. She was becoming hysterical. I decided to help her the only way I knew how.

I slapped her.

Not too hard, of course. Just enough to make my hand sting and her cheek a light pink.

She took in a startled gasp of air and was shocked out of her tears.

She pressed her fingers against her face, "You ass fuck!"

I just shrugged, "You were about to hyperventilate, sorry. Now, please _calmly_ tell me what's going on?"

She took a deep breath, "Bella threw up twice, so she woke me up to ask for some stomach medicine. I brought it to her and we started talking for a while. While we were talking Edward spasmed or something and fell right onto the floor."

Her voice was getting higher the more distressed she got. "He said it felt like his bones had shattered and he started to cry. I'm too small and Bella is too weak to get him off the floor. I didn't know what to do, so I came in here."

I took her hand, "I'll take care of it, alright? Just come on."

I led her into my room and took in the scene.

Edward was lying on the ground, practically trembling with violent shivers. Bella was sitting beside him, letting him weakly clutch at her hand.

I hurried over and knelt down, "Edward?" His wet eyes fluttered halfway open but he didn't respond.

Alice helped Bella back onto the bed while I sat Edward up and shook him a little.

"Hey, Edward, are you awake?"

He just mumbled something incoherent ad his eyes closed.

I asked, louder then probaly necessary, "Can you stand up?"

He sighed sleepily, "My back hurts." Was that an answer?

He fell asleep and started to slump sideways. I grabbed his shoulders and held him upright.

I wrapped one arm around his waist and one behind his shoulders, pulling him against my chest. I stood up, stumbling a little under his weight.

He lay limply in my arms. If I weren't able to feel him breathing, I'd think he went and died on me.

Alice pulled the covers back and I lay him down. He latched onto the nearest thing, which happened to be Bella. She just snuggled closer to him. They were both shivering like they were cold.

Bella frowned, "Jasper, he's _really_ hot."

I picked up the thermometer and ordered, "Alice, go get me the phone."

Alice darted quickly out of the room. Bella supported Edward's head while I put the thermometer into his mouth.

Less then a minuet later it beeped, 104.2 degrees.

That can't be healthy, people aren't supposed to be that hot!

I set it aside and Alice appeared a second later. She reported, "The phone line is out because of the blizzard, here's my cell."

I glanced out the window, my eyes widening in shock. It was snowing so violently outside I couldn't honestly see _anything_ except for white roaring on the wind.

Alice asked, "What are you doing to do?"

I could hear she was scared, and Bella _looked_ scared. I was too, terrified actually, but I forced myself to at least appear calm for the girls' sakes.

I didn't know what to do, though.

I tried to pick the best possible thing, "I'm going to call Emmett."


	23. One Hour Wait

Emmett sounded tired when he answered the phone, "Hello?"

I could guess why it wasn't even 4:30am yet.

"Em? This is Jasper. We need you."

That woke him up fast. He sounded worried, "What's happened? Is someone hurt?"

I explained, "Edward and Bella have been really sick for two days, and now Edward won't even wake up. His fever is way too high. Bella threw up blood and she can barely move because she's so stiff."

Bella indignantly announced, "I can too move!"

She didn't try to prove it though, she just frowned and her head on Edward's.

Emmett was quiet for a second before hissing, "Fuck, it's really snowing outside. Do you think it's an emergency?"

I whimpered, "I don't know!"

Does he want me to call the EMT's?

Emmett sighed, "Just sit tight, I'm calling dad. Give me fifteen minuets, alright?"

I mumbled an agreement and hung up. Alice dictated, "We should try to figure out how this happened. Edward is worse off, so let's assume he got sick first. Who has he been in contact that we haven't?"

I remembered, "The mail man, when we were shoveling. He put the envelopes in his mouth to get his glove off to open the front door."

If the mailman was sick, Edward put the bacteria right on his tongue.

Alice nodded, "That's true. How come we don't have it, though?"

Bella struggled to sit up and asked, "When you kissed him, did your tongues touch each other?"

Alice blushed at the forward question but answered, "No."

I glanced at Bella and asked sadly, "Did you and Edward…"

I didn't even want to finish that sentence!

Bella smiled gently at me and reassured, "No, we didn't make out or anything. I took half of his Pepsi from him that day; my mouth was on the same bottle. I probaly got whatever that way."

I was secretly glad Bella had refused to let me kiss her these past two days. I definitely would not have been as chaste as Edward, and I would have gotten sick, too.

All three of us jumped when the phone rang five minuets later.

I answered it and Emmett immediately started talking. "Dad's worried, he told me to tell you to try to get them both to the hospital. Call me back the _second_ you four are in the car. Bring an emergency kit just incase. Rose and I are going to come down there, but it'll take a few hours at least."

I agreed, "I'll get everything ready. Talk to you soon."

I hung up the phone and turned to Alice, "Get dressed, and help Bella get dressed. Then find the emergency kit and go start the car, alright?"

Alice nodded and pulled a thick sweatshirt and some sweat pants of Bella's out of her duffle bag.

I opened up my closet and pulled my pajamas off, slipping into some real clothes. I found a really thick hoodie and pulled it on over my shirt.

Alice asked while she helped Bella struggle into a shirt, "Are we going to try to change Edward?"

I frowned, "I'll do it, just go get the car warm."

I jogged into my brother's room and chose some wind pants and a zipper-up sweater. Grabbing his shoes and some socks I returned to my bedroom.

Bella was just tying her own shoes on.

It took a while, but I managed to get Edward awake enough for him to sit up and let me put the sweater on over what he was already wearing.

I slipped his pants on and pulled him to his feet. Bella helped by yanking his pants onto his hips. I sat him back down and started fighting his socks on.

He growled, "I'm tired, can't you leave me the hell alone? Bastards."

Ooh, cranky!

I shoved his feet into his shoes, "We're going to the hospital, Edward."

He asked groggily, "Visiting dad?"

I tried to make him happy, "Yeah, we're visiting dad."

He smiled as I put his jacket on and lay him back down.

I pulled Bella to her feet; she would be easier to get out then Edward, so I would do her first.

I wrapped an arm around her waist and she put one over my shoulders as I helped her get down the stairs and out of the house.

Roaring snow bit into my bare face and arms, but I ignored the pain and helped her slide over to the car. Alice held the door open as I set her in side.

I ran back into the house, Alice hot on my heels. She reported, "I have the first aid kit, a flashlight, some food, water bottles, and blankets in the car."

Good, because if we get snowed in we were screwed.

I pulled Edward off his feet and started stumbling gown the stairs, supporting most of his weight. Alice was on the other side, just trying to keep his feet moving. Together we managed to drop him into the car. He curled up in the fetal position, his head on Bella's lap. I covered him with a blanket, and then wrapped Bella in one.

I ordered Alice, "Get inside then call Emmett, I'll be right back."

I darted into the house and put on a jacket. Then I got my wallet, the emergency credit card, and the house key. I locked the front door and braved my way back over to the car.

I glanced at Bella, "Is your seatbelt on?"

She nodded, and gestured sleepily towards the one she somehow got around Edward's lying-sown waist.

I tore out of the driveway, and then tensely started to drive. I've never driven on ice before, and this was just insane.

The car was sliding in random direction, but I managed to straighten it out time and time again.

Alice turned Rosalie on speakerphone. She announced, "I talked to dad about Bella, and Carlisle said he called a friend at the local hospital. Jasper, because you're almost eighteen, they both said you can make medical decisions until Em and I get down there."

I distractedly answered, "If I even get there. These roads suck."

Alice stayed on the phone the whole drive, but I started losing reception as we pulled into the hospital's parking lot.

She ran inside and got a wheelchair, taking it back to the car just as I parked. We fought Edward into it, and she immediately started pushing him into the building.

I asked, "Bella, honey, can you walk?"

She was starting to get as confused as Edward was. She asked, "Why would I want a waffle?"

Fear clawed at my chest and I ended up just picking her up. She clung to my neck as I carefully carried her across the snowy street and into the emergency room.

I filled out some paperwork with Carlisle's friend as the nurses took Edward and Bella into a back room with Alice.

Within the hour we would know what was wrong.


	24. Useless

Alice fell asleep in the chair by the window, and I was halfway between sleep and awareness as I sat on Bella's bed with her, holding her close to me while she shivered.

Dr. Porter, Carlisle's friend, snapped me out of my almost-sleep when he entered the room with three other people.

I sat up and asked, "Did you get the blood tests back?"

He came over and put the side guard down on Bella's bed. "Jasper, I need you to get away from her, please."

Wait… what?

I jumped off the bed and frowned, "What's going on?"

He snapped the side guard back up and ignored me for the second, muttering to the nurses. I sat on the arm of the chair and shook Alice awake.

Before she could speak, Dr. Porter floated over to us.

He frowned, "Kids, I have some bad news."

I watched in stunned silence as the nurses started rolling Edward and Bella out of the room.

Dr. Porter announced, "Edward and Bella are positive for bacterial meningitis. They'll be the sixty and sixty-first people to catch it since December started."

I felt my mouth fall open.

Meningitis!!!

He continued, "We need you both to get vaccinated immediately, to prevent it from becoming active in you."

Alice agreed instantly, "We'll get the shots now, if we can."

I asked, "Are they going to be okay? Where did you take them?"

He explained, "They're going into the intensive care unit. Ms. Swan needs a spinal tap, and Edward is officially in the red zone."

I was startled into silence. How didn't we notice things were getting this bad?

Alice's eyes started to water and I hugged her, promising with all my heart, "Edward is going to be okay, Alice. You have to believe that."

Dr. Porter left to give us some privacy for a while, and then we got our shots.

* * *

We had to wait in the waiting room during the procedure. Emmett and Rosalie arrived just an hour into it.

Alice latched onto Rosalie the second they had reached us and she started crying. Rosalie pet her hair and muttered softly to her.

Emmett's eyes were wide and anxious, "Alright, Jasper, what did we miss?"

I filled him in numbly, "They have meningitis. I was watching the news; it's all over the town. The high schools are freaking out because this one kid died. Edward is in the 'red zone'; he had a seizure a half an hour ago. Bella is getting a spinal tap right now."

Emmett sounded unusualy high pitched, "What does 'red zone' mean?"

It means that he could die any minuet.

It means he's on oxygen. That he can't move.

It means everything bad that it could possibly mean!

I didn't have it in me to say it. I just lowered my head a little. Emmett took the hint.

His voice was rough, "I'm going to see if they'll let me go see him."

Rosalie sat down with Alice, who was quaking with her sobs. I went and sat on her other side, holding her hand.

I asked Rosalie, "Was the drive here really horrible?"

I needed to be talking about anything besides what was going on right now.

Rosalie understood. "It was insane. There's so much snow, Emmett's truck got stuck twice. I didn't even know that was possible."

I would have never guessed it _was_. His truck is a monster!

An uncomfortable silence stretched out between us.

Alice pulled herself together after a while and whispered, "I want to see him."

Rosalie handed her a tissue and agreed softly, "I'll come with you."

They both glanced at me. I couldn't do it. There was no way I would be able to stop myself from falling apart if I _saw_ him right now.

I whispered, "I think I'm going to call Carlisle."

* * *

They let me in to talk to Bella after her procedure. She was lying on her back, with her head facing the ceiling and her hands crossed across her stomach.

I sat on the bed beside her and forced a smile. She looked a ton better then she did early this morning.

She smiled back, "I'd kiss you, but I'm not supposed to move for two hours."

I laughed a little and swooped my head down, gently pressing my lips against hers. She sighed contentedly when I lifted my head.

Her eyes were wet.

I frowned, "Have you been crying?"

She admitted, "I was, for a little while."

I carefully lie down beside her and set my head on her shoulder. "What for?"

She let her head turn to the side and she pressed her nose into my hair. "I'm scared, Jasper. What if the antibiotic dosen't work? I don't want to die."

Her words struck me like a lightning bolt.

She could die. _She could_ _die_.

Oh my god! I didn't even want to think about that.

My body felt like it physically started to ache. Every instinct I had was rejecting that idea, denying its possibility.

I shook my head as tears started to form in my eyes. "You're going to be fine, Bella. I know you will be."

Bella sighed sadly and asked, "What about Edward?"

With her forcing all of this into my head, I started to lose it.

_Bella. My angel, my life, the light of my world._

_Edward. My brother, my best friend, my safe haven._

They were both in danger. Like a lot of our town, they were sick with a very dangerous infection.

I hadn't even realized I was crying until Bella moved one of her arms and carefully set it on my cheek. She didn't try to wipe the wetness away because it was coming back too fast.

I hated this.

I hated that two of the three most important people in my life were _dying_ and I was powerless to help them.

I felt useless.

I _was_ useless.

* * *

**Just thought I should tell everyone, this actually happened in the winter of 2006 in Kenosha. Meningitis was all over the high schools, one boy died from it, people freaked out. And the snow was insane that year. Sucked.**


	25. Instability

It was late.

Very late.

Almost midnight.

The hospital people didn't make any of us leave because of Edward's poor condition.

_Red zone._

Was he getting worse? Was he getting better? I had no idea, I couldn't tell the difference.

_Seizures._

Either way he was really bad off.

_Oxygen mask._

Why didn't I take him here earlier? The moment his fever broke 100, I should have just done it. I should have taken him to the walk in.

_Fluids._

Even if it had just been a small cough, it would have been better then this.

_Vomiting blood._

It would have been better then him having to cling feebly onto life.

_Paralysis._

Every second that slipped away from him was a second that added to my grief.

Bella was going to get better, I knew it. I could _feel_ it, deep inside of me.

She was a part of me, and I was fully confident that she was going to be all right.

But she was still sick, and my mind wasn't letting me be okay with that.

The shadows that have controlled my life for the past year were taking control of me. Making me feel small, and useless, and helpless. Making me feel depressed and lost.

I couldn't take this anymore. My body hurt so badly, just knowing my family was off balance. Nothing was okay anymore.

The simplicity and peace that I have struggled for since my mother's death was all gone.

The world is a cruel place.

They toy with the things that you love.

I'm tired of being fate's plaything.

I'm tired of bad things happening.

I know I can't stop the bad things; the world isn't a place of just good. Nothing is that black and white. But these shades of gray are smothering me.

The sound of sliding doors snapped me out of my funk. The elevator opened and I stepped into the hall of the eighth floor of the hospital.

Wandering around I found the employee-only staircase and slipped into it. I climbed the stairs shakily, shouldering the frozen door open and I stepped onto the roof.

The cold air bit into the skin on my bare arms, the fast falling snow making me shiver. I ignored it and walked across the roof, stepping up onto the edge. I tilted my head and looked _ninety_ feet down as I watched the small, toy-sized, cars driving slowly on the road.

Like I said, I can't stop bad things from happening in _the_ world, but I can stop them from happening in _my_ world.

All I have to do is lean forward.

I'll get just one last rush out of life as I tumble almost one hundred feet to my swift end.

I could escape the pain.

I've had so much pain for so long.

I just didn't want it anymore. I couldn't take it anymore.

I needed a release.

"Jasper?" Somebody called out my name.

I closed my eyes when I heard Carlisle gasp, "Jasper, what are you doing?"

I felt tears streaming down my cheeks. Hot, salty, droplets of misery trying to warm my cold face.

I whispered just loud enough to be heard over the wind, "I don't know what I'm doing anymore."

Carlisle's gentle voice tried to coax me over to him, "Why don't we go downstairs and talk, Jasper? I can help you figure it out."

He was so good to me.

So careful, so gentle, so understanding.

He was a better father then I could have ever asked for.

I didn't want him to lose, maybe, two sons today.

But he still had Emmett; they would handle the grief together.

I heard snow crunching as he walked closer to me. I shook my head and inched closer to the edge. "I'm sorry for this. For everything. I should have come here earlier, then Edward would be okay."

Carlisle shifted closer; I could see him from the corner of my eye. "This isn't your fault, Jasper. People get sick, towns become contagious. Sometimes it just happens. It isn't anyone's fault."

I started crying and shook my head. I know it wasn't my fault, but I wanted it to be.

I just wanted someone to blame for all of this.

I _needed_ someone to blame; it's just how things happen in my life.

When I was little, I blamed myself. I told myself that it was something **I** was doing that made daddy mad at me.

When I got a little older, I blamed the alcohol. My dad would never be so mean, so hurtful. _Surely_ it was the alcohol.

Two years ago, I just blamed him. Father was evil. Richard was a monster.

There has to be someone to blame.

There is nobody, so I chose the person who I knew it would hurt the least to lose.

Me.

Carlisle's voice was high and panicked, "Please, Jasper! We can get you help! Just come and talk to me. Talk to Bella, she'll listen. Don't do this."

Bella would listen. She will always listen. Always.

_"I promise that I will always protect you and I will always be here for you, no matter what. I will __never__ hurt you, Bella."_

If I do this, I will hurt her. I will break the promise I made when I proposed to her, just a week ago.

But what does it matter? I can't think about that when I am dead.

I love Bella, with my heart and soul. With every fiber of my being. But no matter what I do, I bring trouble to her life.

Just by being me, everything is so much more complicated.

All I have to do is lean forward, and I can let her be happy.

No more phone calls at midnight listening to me cry over my nightmares.

No more clinging onto her like the needy child I am.

No more letting her waste her love on someone like me. A broken young man who will never be good enough for her.

She will be free.

_I _will be free.

Is freedom worth it?

A powerful wind began to blow as I took a shaky breath and lifted one foot off of the brick I was perched on.


	26. His Decesion

_She asked, "What's your name?"_

_I sniffed, "Jasper."_

_She chuckled, "Isn't that a cat name?"_

------------------

_He asked me gently, "How badly does it all hurt, Jasper?"_

_I chocked out, "Really bad!"_

_He set his hand on my knee and I flinched, drawing quickly away from him._

_He soothed, "It's okay Jasper, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm a doctor; I can help you if you let me. You just have to trust me."_

------------------

_I asked Edward desperately, "Can you call me tonight?"_

_He looked somber and he nodded quickly._

_I swallowed back a knot of terror and whispered, "If I don't answer, call the cops."_

_Was I serious, or just being dramatic?_

_After considering it, I think I was serious._

------------------

_I put my shirt back on and leaned against the car seat carefully. "Thanks for letting me come over."_

_She smiled brightly, "It's fun having you over! We can do sibling stuff."_

_Both of us being only children, we liked to do brother sister stuff with one another._

_I smiled shyly at her, "Got any cookie dough?"_

------------------

_Smiling to myself I opened the door a bit, trying to ignore her flinch when she saw my shirtless chest._

_I joked lightly, "What brings you so close to hell?"_

------------------

_She ran her hand across my face gently and vowed, "One day things will get better."_

_I hugged her against me a little bit and sighed, "Only once you and I are together; and far away from Detroit!"_

_She set her hands on my shoulders and smiled, eyes shining with a raw and terrifyingly powerful love._

_"The day I turn 18 we're going to Vegas and getting married. Alice and Edward can sit in the backseat and watch, and that will be that. You'll be mine forever!"_

------------------

_The desperate rage that must have shown in my eyes made her shrink away from me._

_I hissed, "You promised me Bella,_ on your life_, you will never tell him."_

_She gazed into my face for the longest time before sighing and leaning back, her head resting on my chest._

_She whispered weakly, "I'll keep that promise, Jasper, on my life. I just hope it doesn't cost you yours."_

------------------

_"Hell Jasper, where did you learn to kiss like that? Should I be worried about some competition?"_

_I asked, in a playful aghast, "You think I'm cheating on you?"_

_Her eyes twinkled and she sighed, "I don't know, you're awfully close to Alice."_

------------------

_I locked my eyes with Bella's in desperation._

_Her face went white when she saw the raw terror shining back at her._

_I was, for the first time in my life, _deathly_ afraid to return home._

------------------

_How many times have I imagined that?_

_Imagined myself dancing on his grave._

_Imagined myself setting him on fire, listening to his screams until he was ash then kicking it into the wind as I laughed._

_Imagined myself getting the biggest knife we had in the kitchen and slamming it into his chest as hard as I could._

------------------

_I pressed my nose into her hair and breathed, "I love you, Isabella Swan."_

_I don't know where the sudden confession came from, but I could feel it to my very bones. Bella was my angel; she was my whole life now. She looked up at me and smiled, her beautiful brown eyes dancing. She looked so pure._

_"I love you too, Jasper, more then the world."_

------------------

_Any future with Bella was a good one, a _perfect_ one._

_I smiled a little bit and settled into the seat of the car comfortably, thinking about pleasant things of what was to come now that I was free._

_Now that I had something to look forward to, and someone to love me._

------------------

_Edward was glaring furiously at his father, who gazing at me, eyes shining with a deep sorrow._

_I suddenly felt very embarrassed with myself, hurt even._

_I _know_ that I am safe here, and that Carlisle loves me like one of his own sons. I am just hurting him because I am too big of an idiot to let myself trust him._

------------------

_Fifteen years without knowing her._

_My light, my angel._

_The one thing that keeps me centered and determined to fight away from the shadows of my past that try to swallow me._

_She is my reason for fighting onward in this world. Three weeks is going to be hell, really._

_Life before Bella was no life worth living._

------------------

_Alice patted my arm and asked, "So, how are you holding up? I can go get the phone if you want, Emmett will never know."_

_It made me oddly emotional to know that both she and Edward were willing to help me get a-hold of Bella._

_I shook my head and asserted, "It's fine, really."_

_After a long second of silence she grinned, "Come on, let's go make some cookies."_

------------------

_She chuckled, "I'm fine, life is pretty boring without you, and dad says hi. Now, how long are you grounded for?"_

_I sighed, "Another week, or so."_

_She scolded, "Jasper, can't you try to behave yourself?_

_I snorted, "Me? Behave? No, it's against my nature. You're still coming over for Christmas, right?"_

_She laughed, "Yes! I'd swim there if I had to."_

------------------

_I felt his tears falling into my hair as I rested my cheek against his chest._

_I wrapped my arms around his waist, feeling incredibly safe in his arms._

_I shakily assured, "I'm fine, dad, just a few cuts."_

------------------

_I could feel my heart threatening to rip out of my chest. I lifted my arm and moved my hand, showing the golden silk box. I felt my throat tighten and I slowly pulled it open to reveal my mother's wedding ring._

_It was a gorgeous white-gold band with a small, pretty diamond in the center of it._

_Realization hit her and her eyes began to water._

_I spoke softly, tenderly, "Isabella Marie Swan, if you truly love me like you say you do, if the want to have me for the rest of your life, then say yes. Will you marry me?"_

------------------

_Her hand very gently skimmed some scratches on my back._

_She asked, embarrassed, "Do they hurt?"_

_I grinned at her from over my shoulder and she blushed a terrible shade of red._

_I leaned back and kissed her before promising, "I didn't even notice them."_

------------------

_I glared murder at them, but Bella just hugged me. "I think a sensitive man is sexy."_

------------------

_I fretted, "I think we should check their temperatures."_

_Alice set the tray down and nodded, disappearing to go find the thermometer._

_Edward laughed the tiniest bit, "The one time dad would be useful and he's in Orcabessa hundreds of miles away."_

_I patted his shoulder, "You'll be fine. Alice can take care of you."_

------------------

_I asked, "Bella, honey, can you walk?"_

_She was starting to get as confused as Edward was. She asked, "Why would I want a waffle?"_

_Fear clawed at my chest and I ended up just picking her up. She clung to my neck as I carefully carried her across the snowy street and into the emergency room._

------------------

_She could die._ She could die_._

_Oh my god! I didn't even want to think about that._

_My body felt like it physically started to ache._

_Every instinct I had was rejecting that idea, denying its possibility._

------------------

_Just by being me, everything is so much more complicated._

_All I have to do is lean forward, and I can let her be happy._

_No more phone calls at midnight listening to me cry over my nightmares._

_No more clinging onto her like the needy child I am._

_No more letting her waste her love on someone like me. A broken young man who will never be good enough for her._

* * *

My life had flashed before my eyes so quickly it was insane.

_"Jasper, this wasn't your fault."_

I always thought that was a joke, re-living important memories when death is glaring right at you.

_"Of course we aren't angry with you, son. There's no reason to be."_

They put me on Anafranil, a medication for anyone diagnosed with clinical depression.

_"_Nobody_ noticed the signs, among everything else going on."_

I had to stay at the Aurora Behavioral Health Center in St. Luke's for a few weeks.

_"Just until you get better, Jasper. Just until you're happy again."_

Apparently, the stress of everything going on mixed with my untreated condition was too much for me to mentally absorb. They told me I had developed something called 'tunnel vision.'

_"Don't feel so bad, you didn't ask for this to happen. You couldn't have helped it."_

Apparently, the world _can_ be just black and white.

Death or life.

Peace or pain.

Jump or don't jump.

No middle ground, no other option. It had been one or the other for me.

_But which one was more important?_

I had decided not to jump. To stay alive, to suffer through the pain.

_I'm used to the pain, right? It's not like it can hurt me anymore then it already has._

On top of everything else, my death would just hurt my family. How could I inflict that upon the people I love? I am not selfish enough to make _them_ suffer.

_Esme shouldn't have to bury her son. Bella shouldn't have to be a widow before she's even married._

I was glad, indescribably grateful, that Carlisle was there. I didn't _want_ to die yet, not after fighting so hard to live through everything I have.

I had lost my balance when I was trying to step down from the ledge. The wind almost knocked me over. It was in that second that I realized what I was doing. Realized what I would be giving up. Realized I was considering, coming dangerously close, to suicide.

_Suicide is just a form of murder. Dad was a murderer. I _refuse_ turn into him._

I'm lucky Carlisle was there to catch me.

There to pull me onto the ground.

To hug me and tell me everything was going to be all right.

To hold me and cry with me.

My real father never would have.

"Jasper?"

My reflection was interrupted and I looked up to see who wanted me.

Rosalie smiled, "Be a useful godfather for a second and hold Danny for me."

Daniel Edward Cullen was born five weeks ago on February 19th.

I took the wiggling infant from her and she disappeared into the house. I sat back down on the steps and smiled, kissing the top of little Danny's head.

A sudden grumbling near the fence caught my attention.

Having been bedridden for three entire months, Edward was still very weak. It's only been eight days since they let him come home from the hospital's physical therapy unit.

Alice had taken him out for some exercise along the beach just across the street from the house.

I heard him complain, "Do you enjoy wearing me out, Alice?"

She held onto his arm, helping to steady his shaky walking.

She softly reminded, "You'll feel better sooner if you walk with me every day."

Edward pouted, "I'd have felt better if you let me stay in the house!"

Alice put up with his grouchiness as they entered the gate into the yard. She was very gentle and patient with him; even though his temper's been worse then it has ever been before.

I can understand why, though. It sucks feeling tired all of the time.

I tried to cheer him up, "If you had stayed inside, you wouldn't have been able to see your nephew enjoying his first April afternoon."

Edward smiled a little and Alice helped him down onto the steps with me. He leaned against her for some extra support and I handed Danny to him.

After a short silence I quietly reminded, "It won't be too long until you're strong again, Edward. You were very sick, you need time to recover."

He avoided looking at me when he sighed, "I know that. I just hate feeling like this. A ten minuet walk and I'm exhausted. I bet I couldn't make it upstairs without Emmett's help."

I asked hesitantly, "Do you want to take a nap on the couch?"

I was afraid he was going to snap at me. He's becoming notorious for getting sharp when we suggest anything to him. Poor guy, he's always been very independent.

To my surprise he whispered sadly, "I guess so."

Alice took Danny, probably to pawn him off with Esme, and I helped Edward into the house.

He sank onto the couch and I gave him a pillow so he could lie down before turning off the light.

When he was comfortable I wandered into the kitchen and found Alice sitting on the table.

She smiled, "So, spring break in two days. Is Bella coming down again, or are you visiting her?"

I smiled, "She's coming here. She wants to see the baby."

I told you I knew she was going to be okay.

Bella was safe, I was healthy.

Just one more year and she's going to be eighteen.

One more year until we can pursue our happily ever after.

I asked suddenly, "Hey, Alice?"

She glanced at me, "What?"

I grinned, "How about we make some cookies?"

* * *


End file.
